Se habla Espanol!

My 2010 started off with an embarrassing bang. I went home for Christmas for a week and then came back to London to ring in the new year in style. My friend Shelby belongs to a swanky members only club in Mayfair and we decided to get a table for the night. Since our regular gang of Americans were still in the states and her boyfriend was in Switzerland, we had that much more alcohol between us. And drink it we did. Starting with half a bottle of champagne each for the pre-party at her (boyfriend’s) penthouse flat in Belgravia, a super strong vodka soda that we could light our breath on fire and topping it all off with our bottle service of Croatian vodka that tasted like nail polish remover. Needless to say we were housed. They played really good music and we danced the night away. Shelby captured the (unwanted) attention of an English accented Mexican fellow who bought us shots of tequila and I showed them all how it was done. I vaguely remember calling my and Mark’s (aka Saf) mutual friend to get his number since I had erased it from my phone. I don’t know if you remember but I have a problem with drunk texting and dialing. For some unknown reason she gave it to me after I promised that I would only text him “Happy New Year!”. She has now learned her lesson that I also tell white lies when drunk. I saved the number to my phone and proceeded to text him 5 times with two “where are you?”, one blank text, one “are you alive?” and one “dude” text. I have no recollection of getting home but thankfully I did and I woke up in my birthday suit with my clothes from the night before strung all over the flat. Classy.

The next day and the day after New Year’s Day, I suffered from the worst hang over ever. Two days of hell. I checked my phone to assess the damage and found the text messages and also that I had called him as well. I agonized over the fact of how obnoxious I was with the texts and how I showed how I can’t handle my liquor once again (there’s a back story with him that may or may not involve me hammered and grinding him up against a wall). Monday morning rolled around and I figured out that the text messages that I had sent actually had an extra number in it so therefore my texts didn’t go through! Eureka! I was sooo ecstatic that he didn’t see them and that he just had a missed call from me and that he would think I dialed him by accident.

An hour later my bubble was burst when I received this email from him:

Hey!
Happy new year.

Do you by any chance recall phoning me about 5 times and leaving me messages in Spanish on my voicemail?? Haha – classic! I didn’t even get drunk on new year’s – I wanted to be fresh and non-hung-over for skiing

Um…so much worse than the original texts! And speaking another language! WTF? I guess I had been speaking Spanish to the Mexican guy and it carried over to me leaving messages. When I stopped laughing and dying of mortification, I knew I had to write him back but not seem all eager beaver and like I was in love with him since I was clearly thinking of him on New Year’s Eve of all nights!

I wrote back:

Who knew the combination of champagne and vodka could make me so bilingual! Haha – sorry about that. Hope you had a good time skiing. Happy New Year!

And scene.

Skully is coming to London in February (he’s working in Dubai) and has organized drinks which I’m sure will include Mark.

I think I'll greet him with “Hola! Como estas!”.

Am(bushed)

Saturday night was fun...well what I can remember of it. I confused my Pinot Grigio for water and proceeded to get druzunk. The first part of the party, Saffa and I had great conversation and things were chill. Then the Skully commented that we should kiss already (which we didn't but flipped him off instead).

Later on, the alcohol may have told him that I was interested and if talking to his friend's ex weirded him out. His reply nope. But, I learned that he was breaking things off with a girl he had been seeing for the past 2 months because he's planning to leave London soon and it wouldn't be fair for her. So baggage and him leaving is a huge factor right there. We caught the last train together and it ended up stopping one stop short of my neighborhood so we had to walk a ways. I remember claiming that I had to pee and luckily we walked up to a bushy area. Needless to say, I peed on one side and he peed on the other. Do you know what that means? We could HEAR each other! (I didn't not remember this bit of info until I had flashbacks on Sunday morning). Mortification!

I remember us laughing the whole way home. In true retardedness, I said well I guess I'll never see you again when he dropped me off at my door. He replied that him and his friend's were going to the restaurant (where we all went a couple weeks ago) on Monday. He said that he would email me on Monday and I told him he wouldn't. We pecked on the lips a couple of times and I told him to prove me wrong. Yeah he didn't...I guess he meant next Monday - because I didn't receive anything.

Saffa and our mutual friend (she actually wanted to set us up in December) are going to dinner on Thursday and I can't wait for her to tell me his version of what happened. I rehashed everything for her at lunch today. Answering the call of nature in the bushes was pretty random and out of control though. At least it makes for a good cringe worthy story!

I don't feel anything one way or the other...I just wish people would stop telling me what they think I want to hear and then not follow through (even if they think I'm too drunk to remember).

Sightings of the Third Kind

I've been back a week and hadn't had a Work Crush #2 sighting until yesterday. We were at the same restaurant for lunch with our own work colleagues. My friends and I were ordering ours to go so I chatted with him while we waited. The conversation was good and somewhat flirty. It just so happens that The Shadow was also dining there and got a table with his friends next to #2. My friends and I left and I said a platonic goodbye to The Shadow and then a flirtier goodbye to #2 before leaving. I can only imagine if #2 (on the off chance) said anything to his friends about me that The Shadow would pipe up and tell him I had a "boyfriend".

______________________________________________________

Last night, I met my friend Amran for drinks and dinner in Notting Hill. He's moving back to Australia soon and is having a leaving party in a couple of weeks but wanted to have some friend time with him before he leaves. He gave me a warning that Skully (they are now friends) and his girlfriend would probably be at his party and that he didn't want any drama. I told him there wouldn't be any drama from my side as I was totally over Skully. Just as long as the "psycho" (as described by Skully) girlfriend didn't do anything, the night would be cool. Not an hour after saying these words, who do we bump into on Portobello Road? The girlfriend. And I have a feeling she totally knew who I was when Amran introduced us: Texas. Blonde. American accent. Work mate of Amran's (and Skully's). It doesn't take a rocket scientist. After leaving her, Amran agreed that she seemed a bit flustered. She did seem very normal and actually nice and I don't think there will be any drama unless Skully stirs it up in which I will not be participating.

______________________________________________________

At lunch today, we went to grab a sandwich from the local bakery and I saw Mr. Bean out of the corner of my eye. I calmed my blood pressure down and as we were walking out I said hi to him and asked what project he was on since I hadn't seen him around. He told me and then what floor in my building. I'm so relieved because I thought he had moved to the other building where I would never see him but now I have greater chances of bumping into him. My friend thought he was hot and asked who I would choose between him and #2 (who is also hot).

I'm just lucky I have the option to potentially, maybe make that choice. :) Being single does have its advantages!!!

Embarrasing moment: While walking to the bakery, my friend was giving a detailed account, if not way too much information even for me, about her sex life. I proclaimed rather loudly that "I hadn't had sex in forever" thinking that no one was around. Just then a guy that sits on my floor passed us and I can now no longer look in his direction. Mortified!

The Works

I'm back in London after voluntarily torturing myself for the past 2 weeks. It went something like this (note: too much information definitley shared):

May 15th, Thursday - I had my deviated septum surgery and everything went fine until I woke up from the anesthesia and my world was spinning. Needless to say I threw up the blood that had pooled in my stomach during the operation and didn't think I could make it getting into a moving car to go home. I sat in the recovery room for an hour and the nurse then wheeled me to my mom's car. I had to get out of the chair and walk to keep from vomiting more. The nurse kept apologizing for the "movement". She said that word one too many times and I said "I'm sorry, but you're going to have to not say that word anymore" since I was definitely feeling the flipping movement.

I wasn't in any pain, only very uncomfortable and couldn't breathe since there were splints in my nose...this continued for a week before I got them out. I had some bleeding from my nose as well but just kept a tissue handy to wipe it up. I had to take antibiotics the size of horse pills and this then lead to a raging yeast infection. I didn't think things could get much worse down there until my monthly visitor decided to make an early appearance. Awesome!

I kept a low profile during the weekend except for a trip for Mexican food with my old roommate and her fiance with my blood catcher taped under my nose...so cute. Other than that, I felt extremely light headed and stayed indoors.

Tuesday, I had an appointment with the butt doctor. A little back story (no pun intended!), I'm a "strainer" so instead of having an internal roid, I instead had an external roid that was the vain of my existence. Very painful and so I got it removed. The doctor initially walked in with his hot doctor son but quickly exited and came back with a female nurse. Can you imagine spreading my cheeks in front of hot doctor son?!?

Holy mother effer! If that wasn't the worst pain I've ever experienced! I called my mom to tell her I was now bleeding from every orifice! Lovely.

This procedure caused me to walk extremely slowly and I was very cautious of how I sat. I won't even tell you that every time I had to drop the kids off at the pool, I had to brace myself for the pain. Oh the pain. It's now healing nicely, thankfully, and I don't feel like I'm shatting knives.

Wednesday, I shuffled into the dermatologist office to get a few moles removed. He decided to take off 2 extra ones that he was concerned about. This irked me more than it was painful. Just the thought of having 4 sliced off skin areas gave me chills.

I asked him if there was a cream for under eye circles, to which he examined my face with those magnifying glasses and proclaimed I had "lots of wrinkles". WTF? I get mistaken for a 23 year old all the time.

Earlier that day I got my splints removed from my nose which finally let me breathe through my nose instead of being the mouth breather I was for the week. Holy hell those splints were long and HUGE...no wonder I couldn't breathe!

Thursday, I had to sit in the car, with all of the above problems, for 5 hours to go to Louisiana to visit my grandparents. My parents dropped me off in Baton Rouge while they went to New Orleans for a couple of days for a wine festival. Bastards! :)

I was stuck with my 80 year-old grandfather (whom is one of the funniest people I know but was in a bad mood because he had surgery a week before on his heel and was hopping around the house on one foot) and my blunt grandmother. An example of her bluntness: We were shopping and ran into some of her friends. One of them was looking at a pair of pants and my grandmother asked if she was going to try them on and the lady said they didn't have her size. My grandmother picked up an XL and said it would fit her. The lady protested and my grandmother looked her up and down and said she thought they would fit...since they ran small -great save grandma. I was mortified. Luckily she thought I was "tiny" this trip and was force feeding me.

My parents and I came back after the long weekend and I was finally starting to feel much better.

I met up with my best friend for shopping and sushi on Tuesday and did way too much damage!

Wednesday, I went to the dentist (family friend - my mom's best friend's son-in-law) for a cleaning and a filling. I always get the nitrous oxide and for some reason with his stuff I get effed up. He had asked me about a project in Australia that I could some day get on at work before giving me the goods. Five minutes into the gas, I was in the flipping Outback. After a while on that stuff, I started to get nauseous and took the mask off my face. The rest of the day I was out of commission with dizziness. Next time, I'll tell him not to crank it up. Oops. My mouth was so numb 12 hours later. I hate that feeling!

Thursday, I went to my family doctor that I've been going to since I was 7. She hooked me up with my Xanax and called me a junkie.

That night I got my friends together for happy hour at a local bar in midtown since I hadn't seen them all 2 weeks. I loved hanging out and catching up my peeps but I'm super glad about my decision to stay in London. I'm not invisible here. I can't explain it but that's how I feel when I go out there.

Friday, I got a Brazilian wax and told her not to wax the back door like she normally does. Oh the pain that would have caused! Then, like a dumbass, I drove around Houston with the sunroof open to get some sun before I left -my flight wasn't until 10.30pm. (I could have had a killer tan but I felt like crap so I didn't lay out like I wanted over the 2 weeks home). I ended up with my right shoulder and arm burnt to a crisp. So sexy...a one-sided tan.

Then I hopped on the plane (read: passed the eff out and don't even remember take off -thanks Xanax!) and came back to Londontown. I'm looking forward to being back in the office...well sort of... and not working from home anymore...as much as I thought I would like that. I felt so unorganized and out of the loop with my colleagues being 6 hours ahead.

I'm excited about starting my "new and improved" life!

(I got all of my "treatments" done on US insurance before I'm officially on UK insurance July 1st).

Isn't that....different?

Nate and I met early for dinner (sushi) and drinks before seeing 21 on Friday. The conversation flowed more freely this time. I learned that his middle brother died 6 years ago from drowning and his dad died 13 years ago...not sure what from because I didn't want to pry. But it was all very endearing and I felt for him.

Since it was still early after the movie, we decided to grab drinks. We chatted for a very long time until the pub closed and we were kicked out. We got on the street and started kissing so I decided he should come over but no funny stuff.

So funny stuff did happen (no form of sex what so ever) but how do I put this...there was definite performance anxiety on his part. He seemed all into it and then when I would wonder down to the family jewels (with a turtleneck)...there was nothing. Like I could feel it but then once I started to do my magic...S.O.F.T. Um this has never happened to me before. He said he was nervous and that the drinks were contributing. Okay I've heard this about finishing but not even getting there. What? He also said I wasn't "familiar" to him yet. (?) I was cool about it and said it was no big deal and that time would help things...of course I tried to work the magic 2 more times and nothing.

Needless to say, we laid around in my bed (naked) until 3pm Saturday just kissing, caressing, talking and laying on each other. That part was really good and he made me feel really great. We texted yesterday (hate that!) but hopefully I'll see him this weekend.

But seriously, if anyone has been in this situation before please let me know tips, advice, etc.!!!!

More or less

I can't decide which is more embarrassing:

Having a flake of bran leftover from your morning cereal on your bottom lip during an ENTIRE 2 hour meeting with your work colleagues that you see everyday?

OR

Having your tampons fly out of your bag on the tube, where you have to scramble to pick them up while avoiding ALL eye contact with the strangers (you will never see) that just witnessed the horror?

It's a toughy.

Sloppy

Well I survived Valentine's Day or what Mandy liked to call "Thursday". True I would have loved to have spent it with a gorgeous, trustworthy boyfriend but I was thankful for being alone this year and not having to spend it with some bloke that doesn't fully appreciate me.
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Blake had a leaving party on Saturday night and as always we were up to our old antics. We started the night off with sushi and sake then went to a late night pub where more shots and drinks were consumed. By the end of it we were all dancing while Blake was creeping around the bar taking random pics of us with my camera. This got the attention of one of Blake's fraternity brothers and an acquaintance of mine from UT. I hadn't seen him in years and he's lived in London for the past 4 years. We exchanged numbers since it turns out we're neighbors.

At 3am when the pub closed down, we all thought it would be a great idea to continue the celebration at Frat Boy's friend's house. Blake and I were play fighting over how he didn't officially tell me he was moving and then vane of my existence happened...I got extremely car sick. The sushi was not holding up to the amount of alcohol in my system. We had to stop at Frat Boy's flat to get more alcohol and Prissy and I were able to pee there but my body was telling me to not get back in the cab with the others. So I decided to walk to the friend's flat and when I got there I proceeded to puke my brains out in the stranger's bathroom. In my dizzy stupor, I decided at 4.30am it would be a good idea to walk home alone (because there was NO way I was getting back into a moving vehicle). I slipped out the back door while no one was looking and then Frat Boy called and told me to come back but once I'm out of commission, I'm out of commission. I would have actually loved to catch up with him but it was not to be.

I ended up getting extremely lost and had to take a short cab ride (gag) to my neighborhood which sent my world spinning even further. Needless to say all of yesterday I was dying. I texted Frat Boy to tell him sorry for the drunken spectacle and that I hoped to see him around the area. We'll see...of course I'm still on hiatus from men but he would actually be a fun replacement for Blake.

Since I’m STILL feeling the aftermath of Saturday, I will not be drinking for a while…or you know until the weekend! :)

Update: I got this text back from Frat Boy: "Hey there. No worries. Good times saturday night, was a wreck on sunday though. definitely keep in touch and we'll meet up soon". Not sure what to think of this text but at least he won't tell our acquaintances what a train wreck I was!

Reason #431

Today during my project meeting, we had to conference call Half Moon to make sure he was sending us what we needed. He got so defensive and sarcastic (especially towards one of the big bosses) then ended the call by hanging up on us. My boss looked at everyone, smiled and said "What an asshole!". Then we all laughed at him. Half Moon's tone was so not warranted it was ridiculous.

It reminded me of when we were on dates he would be all sweet to me but then fly off the handle to everyone else. Waiters. Pedestrians in his way. A FAMILY. I think there was an episode on Seinfeld/Friends that Elaine/Phoebe dated someone like that and it would embarrass them.

So glad he did me the honors and I'm no longer associated! PHEW!!!!!! :)

2008 - off to a bumpy start

I hope you all had a great holiday!

I'm back in the UK and and so glad to be back in my second home. I had a great time while at home for 2 weeks and an even awesomer time in San Francisco with Mandy. We were up to no good and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I've been quiet lately because I'm afraid of the responses I would get about not following your advice of going on hiatus. And while I honestly tried, I couldn't help what happened next. Call me a fool or just a helpless romantic that is optimistic when it comes to love. I now call myself delusional.

It goes back to my birthday at the end of November. A few weeks before that, I had invited Skully to attend because I liked him. Long story short, my birthday celebration came and I avoided him trying to meet up with my friends and I like the plague. I wanted to enjoy my day without feeling like I had to babysit someone. And I really did have a blast with my friends. The next day however, I felt terrible that he waited for like an hour and a half for my friends and I to show up at the original meeting spot (I changed the venue at the last minute since it was raining). Since we work together, I didn't want there to be any hard feelings so I texted to tell him I was sorry that the wires got crossed. Somehow I got roped into meeting him for drinks with him and his brother's fiance that night. That's when my feelings changed. He was a real person with cute growing up stories. He seemed different to me. So he told me things were different now. (Before remember there was the whole love triangle scenario with his ex that I wanted no part of). I voiced my concern about it again and he reassured me that he broke up with her because he could never love her...plus she was a depressed, alcoholic and had jealousy issues.

So we hung out and he called when he said he would and we went to our company party and had a blast. He spent the entire weekend with me that weekend, never going home. Then after that he spent 95% of his nights at my place before I left for the states on the 21st and he left for a month long Moroccan surfing and France skiing adventure.

He called about 3 times the first week I was gone and right before New Year's when I was at the airport to go to San Fran. We had a good conversation and he said he would call in a couple of days.

A couple of days and a week and a half went by. Intuition is a powerful thing really. I can feel when something isn't right yet I try to tell myself that I'm just being negative. I should have listened from the beginning of my gut concern of him getting back together with the ex.

He called at noon today to tell me he couldn't see me anymore. And that he was in London and had been for a couple of days. He took so long to call because he had to pluck the courage to tell me that he had flown back to see N and that they weren't back together but they weren't not together and that it wasn't fair for me if he continued to see me. He did this while I was at flipping work. I'm now at home. Nothing productive would come out of me being there today really. I'm reflecting on my life choices more than him really.

But still gobsmacked.

But like the others, I'll survive....again. Please don't judge to harshly.

On a side note: I called Kanger (no answer) and had diarrhea of Facebook messages (no reply thank God!) on New Year's Eve night. Even had a cry fest with Mandy at 3am in the morning that I wanted Kanger sans baby and baggage. So I know I'm not 100% into Skully....but it doesn't prevent the sting and smarting.

Dorkville, UK: Population, 1

Mr. Bean (aka tall Aussie at my office - his name is Rowan and Mandy calls him Mr. Bean so it's stuck) changed desks and is now in the common area or open concept area, making him even more accessible to make the "eye contact". And the eye contact I have been making, except I was beginning to think it was blatantly obvious that I was always looking in his direction, so I made a vow to myself today to not look that way.

Earlier this morning I was coming out of my office area (see diagram), when this older man who happened to be walking by, asked what went on behind the door. I told him we made chocolate back there (I know I should have my own stand up comedy routine) and then told him what we really did. New friend made.

Cut to 4:45pm. I went to get a snack from the shop and as I was walking back to my office through the common area, Mr. Bean was grabbing his coat to leave for the day and about to head in my direction to go out the front door. As I saw all of this progress, my new friend came into view slightly in front and diagonal to Mr. Bean, walking towards my direction as well. I decided to give the most retarded little wave to my new friend but it TOTALLY looked like I was waving goodbye to Mr. Bean Ah! I continued to walk to my office and when I got to the (high security door) I looked back to make a comment to my new friend (you know something like, "Back to the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory") but instead it was Mr. Bean and we just smiled at each other. I slunk back to my desk mortified and smirking at the dorky situation. Classic!

Tee, anyone?

I'm going to dinner/drinks with a group of Ex-pats tonight to celebrate the 4th of July. My friend, HM, posted on her blog today that she is going to be sporting an Old Navy* July 4th 2007 t-shirt that she picked up while in Houston last week. A T-SHIRT in public that reads "Old. Navy. July. 4th. 2007". My fashion background is royally irked. I'm all for graphic fitted tees and what not, but a freaking soccer mom t-shirt smack dab in the middle of a fashion crazed London? The horror!

It would be one thing to simply wear this t-shirt in the first place but the guy HM is "talking" to and will see for the second time EVER will be at dinner and she will be wearing the effing t-shirt. She also brought one back for her friend to wear at dinner, too. (I don't know, I stopped dressing like my friends when I was, what, six, seven?). They will be the hideous t-shirt twins. Nerd alert! And I have the honor of sitting next to them.

I know this all sounds so incredibly snobby and petty but HM is on the opposite end of the spectrum from my friends back home. They actually care about how they look and spend a fair amount of time getting ready to look super polished and put together when they step out the door. HM, on the other hand, apparently believes an over-sized T-SHIRT will help attract the opposite sex. I'm thinking the odds are strongly against her.

Happy 4th of July!

*I love shopping at Old Navy...just don't like its logo emblazoned on my clothing or anything with a date. T-shirts are for sleeping and working out in.

Mad

at myself.

The past couple of weeks I've been doing things that just aren't...well me. It's like I'm having an out of body experience. Where I see the things I'm doing and know that they aren't good for me yet don't stop myself, let the experience continue so that I can dwell on it and create more self resentment. The old me would run for the hills in this situation. Wouldn't even dream of getting into the situation in the first place. The old me had morals and standards and expectations. But I'm obviously going through something... boredom, jadedness, bitterness- who knows?

I do know that it has to stop and that tomorrow starts a new day.

Rage against the Machine (ie Cell phone)

What if after 3 glasses of wine (when your limit is clearly 1 glass when no dinner is involved) with the COG (for the second night in a row) you do something crazy. Like somehow find a certain phone number even though you erased it from your phonebook and were very thorough to delete it from your text message inbox and outbox. But by sheer luck the number still sits in your received call log from the time you missed his call weeks ago*.

And what if you start texting on the tube back to your flat, like a mad person and saying everything that is possibly in your head about the situation and when you run out of room you send that text and start a new one, this time to fill him in on what you've been doing since he was too much of a rudeass to ask last time. And you tell him he was a rudeass too. You tell him where you're living now and that you are going home in July for your 10 year high school reunion and that you are even going to Ibiza, so there. And what if you get a text back saying "easy tiger" and that sends you even more over the edge and into crying hysterics that you try calling but of course the phone is not picked up on his end so you text that this is a shock that he isn't answering. Of course sarcastically.

You call your friends back home for them to talk you down off of this alcohol induced ledge only to receive a text that he's at a pub and will call you tomorrow. You be a smart ass and text back that you won't hold your breath on that one and that you really need to talk to him.

So he calls. And you say everything that is on your mind...you know reiterating what was said in already in drunken text and say that the whole situation was just fucked up. And that you were suppose to go back to the states and that it was the wine talking about being exclusive. And the day he stood you up for tennis you felt you were way too nice and basically "just bent over and took it". And somehow you talk about his trip to Australia which he leaves for on Friday and how he's going to see his daughter and la la la- normal conversation and all the while, he never hears you cry. He then tells you that you will play tennis when he gets back and you tell him not to blow smoke up your ass. Which makes him laugh. But let's face it, your psychotic episode pretty much guarantees you will not be getting a phone call when he gets back.

And it makes you sad. Because although finally talking to him after all this time is really what you needed, by showing your real self and your potty mouth that you usually kept in check with him, you know that this is officially over. For real. The opportunity lost forever. And only the handful of memories remain.

*very rarely do I get calls (unless I'm dating someone and clearly that is NOT the case right now) on my "mobile"...everything seems to be about text messages to make plans here...therefore why his missed call is still in my phone from the beginning of June.

15 years my Senior

Thursday was....eventful to say the least.

I usually can remember the amount of shots and drinks I consume on a given night out...but not that night. COG and I were flirty flirty and I was desperately trying to keep it as secret as possible. But really when you're drinking how can you keep flirting and giving each other the "eyes" over drinks from people, other coworkers, around you.

I asked COG how old he thought I was and instead of trying to guess he told me he was 43 since that was really what I was getting at anyway. I mulled this over and in my drunken state this was okay to me. 15 years. No problem. Despite the fact that really he could have a 23 year old child if he had one at 20. Making his pseudo offspring 5 years younger than me...less of a gap. But I later found out he had an 8 year old daughter and has never been married. Phew! My drunken self thought it would be fun to see where adventures with an older man might go...who cares that I would have to see him everyday and that others where watching.

That's when the kiss(ing) happened. Luckily the others were equally as hammered and hopefully remember this as a hallucination. The kissing was quite good actually. Well would you expect anything less from someone with that much more experience on that? I think not.

Somehow it was 2am and we were heading back to my place after everyone had gone home. I promised myself that only kissing could happen. And that is exactly what went on but slept in my bed together naturally. You know me and sleeping with others in my bed. Did not go well and he snored. Negative.

We rode the train into work the next morning. COG was in his same clothes from the night before on casual friday! AHHHH. But no one said a thing and it turns out that a guy we were out with was so drunk he got sick in a cab! Someone was worse off than me!

There is a huge difference between a kiss and a kiss that could have had extreme dirty potential. Something about having COG's hands on my bum and kissing my neck in public. I'm sure I looked like a 28 year old tart. But you only live once.

Things are slightly awkward at work...you know having someone's tongue down your throat and all and telling them "This is really bad (situation)!" repeatedly...but I'm getting through it.

UPDATE: Not planning on dating COG but he did ask via email if "we will have another night out in London......or would that be bad?????". I think I'm "getting back together" with Kanger over the weekend to soften the blow...must be very careful with the situation at hand.

*I must tell you that while all of this was going on at the different pubs, I was texting back and forth with Kanger and talking shit about how I would totally kick his ass in tennis and that he must really be scared to lose to a girl. Needless to say we have been texting on and off since Thursday and he actually called me last night but my phone was off. But we have plans to have our match next Sunday afternoon. From what I've gathered from our texting, he quit his job and gave them a 2.5 month notice and is going traveling with his high school months for a couple of months after that and from what I deduce will be moving back to Oz after that. I'll get the full scoop next weekend. Really looking forward to seeing him.

My name is TC and I'm a DUMBASS

I called my landlord today to tell him that my boiler is leaking and that my washer and dryer are not working. He answered but seemed really distracted and asked for me to call him back in 5 minutes. I agreed and hung up and thought that was soooo rude - If you can’t talk then don’t flipping answer.

I let 20 minutes go by and I called him back and started talking again about my washer/dryer etc. There were some more pauses and then he started talking and I hang up because I realized that I was not talking to Niall "The Landlord", but Niall "The 23 Year Old" whom I haven’t spoken to since early March!!!!!!

He called back and I was laughing at my stupidity and told him my landlord's name is Niall and I thought I was talking to him and that I was soo sorry. He seemed to think it was pretty funny as well. We chatted for a bit then I let him go back to work since it was 9:30am. Before we hung up, I told him we should catch up sometime. We shall see.

I called my real landlord finally and the problems are fixed! And to make matters more absurd, a week ago I put in my phonebook Landlord Niall to avoid this ordeal and without thinking called Niall thinking it was the Landlord.

They have now been changed to NIALL and NIALL - LANDLORD.

Only in England

Can you go to the pub for 2 hours on a work day, drink ridiculous amounts of Bacardi and Diet Coke and then receive this email after everyone returns back to their desks:

From: Drunk Boss
To: TC
CC: Male Coworker 1, Male Coworker 2, Kiwi, Metro
Re: Pub

Can you please report back to the Kingford Arms – you have an audition for the pole dancers position for this evening.

Not inappropriate. At. All.

Tag team back again...

Kat tagged me to share 10 things you don't know about me but I think I]ll play by her rules and tell you 10 things that are going on with me right now (especially since the boy situation is somewhat lacking as of late):

-I'm flying to Paris tomorrow afternoon to spend quality time with my favorite grandparents who will be there for a week before going onto Russia. They had my mom when they were really young so they don't smell like Bengay or play bingo. My grandfather has to be the funniest person I know. I teach him inappropriate sayings, ie "It's hot as balls in here", "I've got to go pinch a loaf" etc. You know basic potty humor that we think is hilarious!

-My grandmother speaks French and I'm super stoked to be able to get around Paris without being insanely frustrated (at myself) with the language barrier. I somehow always manage to answer them in Spanish at least once.

-I get back from Paris on Monday afternoon and then two days later my best friend CW from Boston and her sister are coming to visit! So excited. Plus CW is 3 months preggers and I can't wait to see her baby glow. She's still keen to hitting the pubs so I'm also excited to have some new wing women to help with my missing mojo! These girls are gorgeous!

-I'm moving into a new flat next Saturday and I'm soooo excited! It's pretty pimp and newly renovated in a great location. CW is going to stand guard of my crap on the street since she can't lift anything while I drag up my shit to the 3rd floor-only bad thing about it but I figure if I could live in a 5th floor walkup in NYC, I can do it here. Plus I won't have to take my laundry down all of those flights of stairs like before because I have a washer and dryer in my place. Sweet!

-I've been reading "The Secret" over and over again and listening to daily affirmations from "You can heal your life" to try to turn my life around. I'm slowly but surely weeding out my negativity and self doubt and things are looking up.

-Part of the process is forgiving people in your life and just yesterday Gianluca and I had a nice chat online. He asked how London was and I told him I was really happy to which he replied that I deserve to be happy. Damn straight!

-I haven't heard from Kanger since our emails last week and I'm okay with that. I know that I will hear from him/see him sometime in the future. The old me planner in me would rationalize exactly when I should expect to hear from him but I'm done with expectations. They only bring disappointment and that is negative. So I know that he will be back in my life as a friend but it's up to the Universe to put it in action. Plus the night I met him his friend Watto was flipping hilarious and I remember thinking I wish I would have talked to him instead. So I would love to hang out with him and his friends again.

-My family friend KS and her husband are moving here and I'm super pumped. KS used to babysit me while our parents went out on the town..although we figured it out and she's only 2 years older than me...was she really that mature? We lived in NYC at the same time so it will be great to have a "family member" across the pond permanently!

-My cousin was here this past week on business. We work for the same company so my coworker/friend HM was able to meet the infamous "attorney" and see first hand of the brutality. He's a great guy and very genuine but a complete and total pansy. I went to get him at the hotel for lunch on Sunday and we started walking to the restaurant and he was like "TC don't walk so fast I'm really run down". Insert eye roll here. And to top it ALL off he lost his voice because his sinus's weren't draining. WTF? And I've never met anyone so full of themselves. At one point he pulled out his blackberry and laid it on the table. After a moment of silence, I was like did you get a text or an email? Nope...he just took it out so that he could show me that he had one...like I've never seen one before. Brutal. He also said he would buy my car (which I'm selling if anyone is interested!) if he didn't have "The Porsche" - from the year 1987 and has holey leather seats. He says "The Porsche" like he's driving a brand spanking new one.

-Today I went to Bliss for my redo for my inverted Brazilian. Chick hurt like a biotch but was so needed to ummm equal everything out. She was stumped by what the previous girl "did" to me! Total cost of debauchery and recovery: $180 Yikes. Oh yes and I totally am going on a budget when I move. I would like to save money while here (purpose of living abroad) not spending every cent.

Sorry so long...thanks Kat for giving me a swift kick in the arse.

Have a great weekend!

Indian Sunburn

In an effort to save money in this land of everything made out of GOLD, I tried a new waxing salon. Needless to say, I am now the proud owner of an inverted Brazilian wax. As you know, a true Brazilian is party on the top, business on the bottom, however in my present state it's now business on the top, party still on the bottom. WTF?

I was too pissed and shocked that the waxer didn't get the memo on how to actually do her job that I didn't say anything. The whole experience in itself was like getting an Indian Sunburn- down there - complete with the type of roll on wax you pop in the microwave when you do it yourself. EXCRUCIATING!

I should have trusted my intuition when I couldn't find the salon to begin with and ended up being half an hour late for my appointment. Most salons would have told you that you would need to rebook, but each time I called the receptionist for directions she told me that they would see me when I got there which equals NO CLIENTS because they are terrible!

Totally have learned my lesson and am now more than willing to pay for quality waxing done the right way. I have to spend even more for a "re-do"!

Blacklisted

So I'm prreeeeetttttyyyyyy sure that I am not allowed at Bliss London anymore.

Caution-To Much Information to follow: I think I started my period while I was getting my Brazilian...yikes. Stupid birth control pills-you know, for the sex I am NOT having! I just started my new pill pack and this happens. Actually it happens every time I try a new BC but my doctor assured me these would me different. Nope. And now I'm probably the story of the week at Bliss. Awesome!