Can I just tell you...

• Wearing a thong for the first time in 3 weeks is brutal...especially when you're in "healing" mode. But panty lines are a no go when working with dirty old men.
• Dodging the Shadow proved to be somewhat successful. I think I'm in Phase Out 2. While I did get the morning email today (which I did not respond to), he asked me later (when he stopped by my desk for the 10th time) what I was doing this weekend and I told him hanging out with Nate (I'm not). Hopefully he's starting to get it already.
• I've had cramps all day and not those kind of cramps. More of the Mirolax kind. My doctor put me on a little regime to keep me regular but it seems I took too much today. Oops. Need to dial it down.
• I got this little gem while I was home and my feet are uber soft, which is a huge fete (no pun intended, really!) especially in the summer months. Freaking genius!
• My boss is hilarious. In his manager's meeting today he told everyone, "Texas had a successful surgery and would now like to be called George". This is all day people!
• I'm feeling good about life in general.
  
  Things are grand! :)

More or less

I can't decide which is more embarrassing:

Having a flake of bran leftover from your morning cereal on your bottom lip during an ENTIRE 2 hour meeting with your work colleagues that you see everyday?

OR

Having your tampons fly out of your bag on the tube, where you have to scramble to pick them up while avoiding ALL eye contact with the strangers (you will never see) that just witnessed the horror?

It's a toughy.

He's an ass man

Last night, while my friend and I were enjoying a couple of drinks and minding our own business, we were rudely interrupted by this staring back at us from the bar.

I didn't realize it was a full moon last night! We were laughing hysterically because a) did he not feel the draft? and b) he was totally going commando - this did not need to be publicized! We couldn't decide if this display was on purpose but he was clearly by himself and not trying to just entertain friends.

Thinking that the ass crack situation couldn't get any worse, he sat down on one of the bar stools...

And yes we acted like we were back in the 11th grade sneaking pics, but there were a group of Australians that were actually posing next to him and pretending to pinch his butt (without him knowing, of course). I traded information with one of the guys because he wants to use one of my pics for his Facebook profile.

So you see, there are people more immature than me!

Dorkville, UK: Population, 1

Mr. Bean (aka tall Aussie at my office - his name is Rowan and Mandy calls him Mr. Bean so it's stuck) changed desks and is now in the common area or open concept area, making him even more accessible to make the "eye contact". And the eye contact I have been making, except I was beginning to think it was blatantly obvious that I was always looking in his direction, so I made a vow to myself today to not look that way.

Earlier this morning I was coming out of my office area (see diagram), when this older man who happened to be walking by, asked what went on behind the door. I told him we made chocolate back there (I know I should have my own stand up comedy routine) and then told him what we really did. New friend made.

Cut to 4:45pm. I went to get a snack from the shop and as I was walking back to my office through the common area, Mr. Bean was grabbing his coat to leave for the day and about to head in my direction to go out the front door. As I saw all of this progress, my new friend came into view slightly in front and diagonal to Mr. Bean, walking towards my direction as well. I decided to give the most retarded little wave to my new friend but it TOTALLY looked like I was waving goodbye to Mr. Bean Ah! I continued to walk to my office and when I got to the (high security door) I looked back to make a comment to my new friend (you know something like, "Back to the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory") but instead it was Mr. Bean and we just smiled at each other. I slunk back to my desk mortified and smirking at the dorky situation. Classic!

Tee, anyone?

I'm going to dinner/drinks with a group of Ex-pats tonight to celebrate the 4th of July. My friend, HM, posted on her blog today that she is going to be sporting an Old Navy* July 4th 2007 t-shirt that she picked up while in Houston last week. A T-SHIRT in public that reads "Old. Navy. July. 4th. 2007". My fashion background is royally irked. I'm all for graphic fitted tees and what not, but a freaking soccer mom t-shirt smack dab in the middle of a fashion crazed London? The horror!

It would be one thing to simply wear this t-shirt in the first place but the guy HM is "talking" to and will see for the second time EVER will be at dinner and she will be wearing the effing t-shirt. She also brought one back for her friend to wear at dinner, too. (I don't know, I stopped dressing like my friends when I was, what, six, seven?). They will be the hideous t-shirt twins. Nerd alert! And I have the honor of sitting next to them.

I know this all sounds so incredibly snobby and petty but HM is on the opposite end of the spectrum from my friends back home. They actually care about how they look and spend a fair amount of time getting ready to look super polished and put together when they step out the door. HM, on the other hand, apparently believes an over-sized T-SHIRT will help attract the opposite sex. I'm thinking the odds are strongly against her.

Happy 4th of July!

*I love shopping at Old Navy...just don't like its logo emblazoned on my clothing or anything with a date. T-shirts are for sleeping and working out in.

I think I'm in for some T.R.O.U.B.L.E

I've been rather flirty via email and in person with a certain older gentleman (COG) that works with me. I can't figure out his age - I'm guessing around 38 at the oldest although could be way off. He arranged a night out for his department and invited me to join this Thursday. He also borrowed my umbrella during lunch today and held it hostage until I agreed to these terms:

1 You have to wear a skirt/dress on Thursday. (post explaining this to follow)
2 You have to look after me in the city of London and make sure that I’m not accosted.
3 You have to drink the same drinks that I drink (on the hour will be a drink of choice).
4 I get to have the first dance with you if we go to a club…….but you can’t stand on my toes.
5 Should the need arise you have to make me breakfast in the morning……..(not beans on toast though).
6 You have to teach me to talk ‘Texan’ in case the movie Dallas ever gets to the production line.

You have 30 mins to reply or the brelly gets it.

Can we say WTF to Number 5??? Oh. Dear.

Only in England

Can you go to the pub for 2 hours on a work day, drink ridiculous amounts of Bacardi and Diet Coke and then receive this email after everyone returns back to their desks:

From: Drunk Boss
To: TC
CC: Male Coworker 1, Male Coworker 2, Kiwi, Metro
Re: Pub

Can you please report back to the Kingford Arms – you have an audition for the pole dancers position for this evening.

Not inappropriate. At. All.

Paolo

Before I left for Italy, I asked my Italian friend, Paolo, for some suggestions since he grew up in Milan. I emailed him to thank him when I got back and this is the banter that insued:

TC: Hi Paolo! I had a great time in Milan. Thanks for your suggestions. We went shopping right by the Duomo and I saw Riccardo Scarmacio (famous Italian actor and hot) too… I hope to make it back soon!

Paolo: I hope you will be able to go back soon as well. How is the situation with Riccardo????
Are you engaged???

TC: It’s still the early part of our relationship but I’m hoping for a summer wedding! Ha! Of course you will be invited and be my translator!

Paolo: I just don't want to be called in to translate during the first wedding night, even if the translation will be then pretty easy...

TC: Ha! Hilarious! Yes, you’re right…I suppose no translation would really be needed!!!

Paolo: You are wrong because some translation is needed: AAAAAAAAAAHHH in English is translated in Italian to AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....

TC: OUT.OF.CONTROL!!!!!

*More Milan stories to come...