Experimentation (updated)

I have a problem. It's called constantly having to be in control of situations and plan things out. I have been a busy social butterfly since I got back to London and all of a sudden this weekend I don't have definite plans. I know it's only Tuesday, but I don't work that way.

I have plans to go out on Thursday with friends (that we made a week and a half ago) and I soooooo want to email everyone to confirm but I'm not going to allow myself to do that. That's meddling and nothing good ever comes from that. I just need to let things unfold how the universe wants them to and relax. So that's my experiment this week. Hopefully I won't crack!

UPDATE: So, my little experiment worked. I didn't prompt a thing and this is what my weekend is looking like: Tonight I’m going out with my old co-workers (including the Cog, but I fully plan to behave myself...don't want to feel like crap tomorrow, physically and mentally). [The Cog was a no show, therefore no harm, no foul!] Friday, I totally forgot I have a leaving party for one of my friends. Saturday, I'm going to watch Rugby with Blake and crew and Sunday, I'm going to high tea at Kensington Palace with Prissy and then later that night going to watch part of the Superbowl with another group of friends (coincidentally in Kanger's neighborhood). Should be interesting.

Funny how things just come together if you let them! Lesson learned.

Reason #431

Today during my project meeting, we had to conference call Half Moon to make sure he was sending us what we needed. He got so defensive and sarcastic (especially towards one of the big bosses) then ended the call by hanging up on us. My boss looked at everyone, smiled and said "What an asshole!". Then we all laughed at him. Half Moon's tone was so not warranted it was ridiculous.

It reminded me of when we were on dates he would be all sweet to me but then fly off the handle to everyone else. Waiters. Pedestrians in his way. A FAMILY. I think there was an episode on Seinfeld/Friends that Elaine/Phoebe dated someone like that and it would embarrass them.

So glad he did me the honors and I'm no longer associated! PHEW!!!!!! :)

How you doin'?

Email between my friend Bynthia from Houston and me to best describe my weekend and how I'm doing:

Date: 21Jan08
From: Bynthia
To: Texas Cinderella
Re: what's up?

.....How about you? What did you do this weekend?

How are you doing with the getting past the loser boy…???

Date: 21Jan08
From: Texas Cinderella
To: Bynthia
Re: what's up?

.....I went out on Friday where I proceeded to meet a very handsome Irish bloke and we chatted for like 2 hours with witty banter…the whole 9 yards..he was perfection… then he told me he’s moving to Switzerland in 3 weeks…so I decided to take him down at the bar (kissed-he sucked at it) then left while he was in the bathroom. No need to waste time on something that isn’t going to go anywhere.

Saturday - Hangover city. Just dinner and a movie.

Sunday – Went to watch the Patriots vs. Chargers game with my friend, Raj, and randomly met up later with Blake and Harris…(you know the guy you want me to marry from my Florence pics?) So I didn’t realize this but Harris and I were extremely flirty according to Raj. Harris spent the night at Blake’s so we all shared a cab home and he kept giving me the mwah face to give me an air kiss goodbye when I walked away from the cab to my flat. Then this morning he emailed me asking if he did anything embarrassing and I said I really shouldn’t say just to mess with him. Hilarious! He asked me to be his friend on Facebook too! Ha!

So the answer to your question…Loser Boy who? Bridget Jones is BACK! (her nickname for me, also BSH's.)

So I had a pretty good weekend all around. I didn't even plan to meet up with Blake and Harris and we had the BEST time. I really need to remember this when I start freaking out about planning. Just go with the flipping flow.

Update: Skully, now lovingly referred to as Half Moon, stopped by my desk this morning. (WTF?) He'd been skiing all last week and I hadn't seen him since our break up 2 weeks ago. It was sooooo awkward and I was a little caught off guard but I asked about his trip and then he asked if I was having fun going out (which I have) but his tone was all too patronizing. Negative. It's weird to be so intimate with someone to now having a conversation, with no flirting what so ever, mostly about work. I'm happy to say there were no longing feelings for him after he left my desk. I'm officially over it! A TC World Record!!!!

Everything's Going to be Alright

In the word's of Bob Marley, "No (wo)man, No cry".

This is weird. Normally when something like this happens, I want analyze it until it crumbles into teeny, tiny pieces (Hi, have we met?). But not this time. I sifted through the hurt of essentially someone cheating on me with their ex-girlfriend and I think I'm 90% over it. I think the additional 10% of getting over it will happen fairly soon, if not already. (I didn't eat that much this week, as I tend to do when going through a break-up, and have lost some weight, score! But the feeling of being punched in the stomach has gone and I now have my appetite back and therefore will be hitting the gym, boo!)

This weekend, I busied myself with Blake on Friday night complete with copious amounts of wine and banter. I told him my latest man drama and that in all honesty, I could never see myself bringing Skully around my friends because I would feel like I had a.) to babysit and b.) that his type of personality couldn't just mesh with a random group of people. I want that in a guy. Blake said I shouldn't have to settle for that and I totally I agree.

Saturday, I did a little (window) shopping and just reacquainted myself with London. It's amazing how much I missed being here while I was home in Texas. I met up with my friend Caroline and her boyfriend for dinner and a movie and while I didn't want to be the third wheel (other people were supposed to show but didn't), it was nice to see how a normal relationship worked. It should be effortless.

Today, I majorly organized my flat. Closet, drawers and all and I feel like I have a fresh clean start with everything. As Mandy says, I dodged a bullet and should be glad I only invested 1 month with Skully and his obvious hidden drama instead of 6 months from now getting the WTF?

I'm looking forward to my busy week ahead. I have Cirque du Soleil on Wednesday, a night out with co-workers on Thursday and Ice Bar with friends on Friday.

Should be fun times and I'm excited to see what 2008 brings my way!

2008 - off to a bumpy start

I hope you all had a great holiday!

I'm back in the UK and and so glad to be back in my second home. I had a great time while at home for 2 weeks and an even awesomer time in San Francisco with Mandy. We were up to no good and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I've been quiet lately because I'm afraid of the responses I would get about not following your advice of going on hiatus. And while I honestly tried, I couldn't help what happened next. Call me a fool or just a helpless romantic that is optimistic when it comes to love. I now call myself delusional.

It goes back to my birthday at the end of November. A few weeks before that, I had invited Skully to attend because I liked him. Long story short, my birthday celebration came and I avoided him trying to meet up with my friends and I like the plague. I wanted to enjoy my day without feeling like I had to babysit someone. And I really did have a blast with my friends. The next day however, I felt terrible that he waited for like an hour and a half for my friends and I to show up at the original meeting spot (I changed the venue at the last minute since it was raining). Since we work together, I didn't want there to be any hard feelings so I texted to tell him I was sorry that the wires got crossed. Somehow I got roped into meeting him for drinks with him and his brother's fiance that night. That's when my feelings changed. He was a real person with cute growing up stories. He seemed different to me. So he told me things were different now. (Before remember there was the whole love triangle scenario with his ex that I wanted no part of). I voiced my concern about it again and he reassured me that he broke up with her because he could never love her...plus she was a depressed, alcoholic and had jealousy issues.

So we hung out and he called when he said he would and we went to our company party and had a blast. He spent the entire weekend with me that weekend, never going home. Then after that he spent 95% of his nights at my place before I left for the states on the 21st and he left for a month long Moroccan surfing and France skiing adventure.

He called about 3 times the first week I was gone and right before New Year's when I was at the airport to go to San Fran. We had a good conversation and he said he would call in a couple of days.

A couple of days and a week and a half went by. Intuition is a powerful thing really. I can feel when something isn't right yet I try to tell myself that I'm just being negative. I should have listened from the beginning of my gut concern of him getting back together with the ex.

He called at noon today to tell me he couldn't see me anymore. And that he was in London and had been for a couple of days. He took so long to call because he had to pluck the courage to tell me that he had flown back to see N and that they weren't back together but they weren't not together and that it wasn't fair for me if he continued to see me. He did this while I was at flipping work. I'm now at home. Nothing productive would come out of me being there today really. I'm reflecting on my life choices more than him really.

But still gobsmacked.

But like the others, I'll survive....again. Please don't judge to harshly.

On a side note: I called Kanger (no answer) and had diarrhea of Facebook messages (no reply thank God!) on New Year's Eve night. Even had a cry fest with Mandy at 3am in the morning that I wanted Kanger sans baby and baggage. So I know I'm not 100% into Skully....but it doesn't prevent the sting and smarting.