I have a BF!!!

Wow, it's been a while! What I've been up to:
-had a blast in St. Lucia for D's wedding. Destination wedding is definitely in the cards for me...one day!
-I'm still dating the German, K and am going to the lake district in Italy (think Clooney's house on Como) in a couple weeks to meet the parents. The mom does not speak a word of English. Lots of smiling and nodding will be going on!
-I'm at home right now for my friend V's wedding - always a bridesmaid, never a bride! K sent me 36 assorted roses yesterday...so sweet!
-Things are different with K. I'm not anxious or freaking out with him. He is incredibly honest and reliable and I just feel secure with him. He gives the best bear hugs and doesn't let go and is a great cuddler! His English sometimes gets mixed up and makes for some great laughs but he also gets my sense of humor and can grasp it. He wants to take me away...and I believe he actually will!
-While everything is going well in my personal life - bf, great friends and family - my work life is not so much. I've been unhappy in my job since I moved back from NY and started at this company. It really is a great company but the job is just not for me and starting to get really political. Like sometimes I'm in a sick twisted novel...so petty. So I will be on the hunt and hope to be able to get back into retail/luxury brand again. It all depends on my flipping visa though...

So I'm happy (with exception to the job) and looking forward to this summer. Isle of Wight music festival complete with tents and wellies, Cinque Terra with my close girlfriends and hopefully Bali in the Fall. Lots going on and I promise to be better about blogging!

St. Lucia, Baby!

I'm in sunny and hot St.Lucia for one of my best friend's weddings. I've been here for a couple days to start on my tan and relax and unwind but I can't wait to catch up with my old friends and see my best friend C and her hubby. It's an all inclusive resort with all you can eat and drink. I'm hoping I can still fit into my bridesmaids dress on Saturday!

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Goodbyes

You know what really sucks? Losing another grandparent in the span of six months and having to say goodbye to your 90 year-old grandmother because she's "ready to go". She's been in the hospital since Monday and isn't eating or drinking and the doctors have called in Hospice. It's also heartbreaking to speak with your bawling father on the phone while he watches his mother slip away.

I remember climbing onto her plump lap as a little girl and using her massive boobs as pillows and inhaling her distinct "Mimi" smell of Avon Skin So Soft and peppermint oil. Where she use to be twice my size, she's now smaller than I am and wasting away.

I know she's looking forward to seeing my grandfather, who died 7 years ago, in Heaven but she will be missed by her four children, eight grandchildren and eight great-grandchildren.

You hear it first

News...
I got a mass email from Mark today informing us that he will be out of London for the next year. Turns out he's moving to Paris on Monday. Slightly sad about this because a) there isn't time to say goodbye as he's going to Iceland on Thursday until Sunday and b) he's missing Skully's return from Dubai drinks on Friday. The ones I was excited to see him at so I could speak Spanish to him. He did say in our brief emails that I could come and visit after he was settled in. We'll see. Plus he'll be in London often so I'm sure I'll see him but I'm just bummed.

-Almost at the same time that I received Mark's email, Graham emailed me to tell me that he's back at our company. Luckily he's not in our building which I was totally freaking out that he was until he said he was at the satellite building. Phew! We're friends and I've come to the decision that he has autistic tendencies and until he turns them around that's all we can ever be. He turns 36 on Saturday...you would think he'd be a grown up by now.

-I can't remember if I wrote about a German guy I met at a dinner for work last year. At the time I told him to facebook friend me and he said he wasn't on it. Somehow it came out that he had a long distance girlfriend somewhere and that's when my interest level stopped. We texted back and forth a couple days after he went back to Germany but I left it since I didn't want to be a home wrecker. Cut to last week and he asked me to be his friend. I accepted and then looked at his profile and I’m his only friend. It’s like he signed up just to contact me.

He messaged me and asked me out for drinks because he’ll be in town on Thursday but I have plans…he lives in Birmingham (UK not Alabama) now which is only an hour or so away from London. I unfortunately already have plans on Thursday so I told him to let me know the next time he’s in town and we can meet up. He wrote back that he would like me to be his tour guide and that he would come down for a day. I wrote back "As long as your girlfriend won’t mind you can come on Sunday". I figure that way he won’t think he’s staying over or anything since it’s a week night. He told me not "to concern myself about a girlfriend".

Not sure if he's being sleek or speaking German-English for "we broke up" but I guess he's coming on Sunday.

Just call me Gwyneth

I just got back from my 3rd ever acupuncture appointment.

Everything was going as usual. Tiny needle prick that doesn't hurt on my back here. Tiny needle prick there. And then holy hell, a sensation that I can only imagine feels like those super sucker fish that suck the algae off of whales and sharks on my lower back FIVE times, with no warning I might add. For the next 30 minutes.

Cupping.

It hurt but also felt really, really good.

I am now sporting 5 round hickeys on my lower back with no sign of them disappearing any time soon.

Now if only I was married to Chris Martin. Sigh.

Se habla Espanol!

My 2010 started off with an embarrassing bang. I went home for Christmas for a week and then came back to London to ring in the new year in style. My friend Shelby belongs to a swanky members only club in Mayfair and we decided to get a table for the night. Since our regular gang of Americans were still in the states and her boyfriend was in Switzerland, we had that much more alcohol between us. And drink it we did. Starting with half a bottle of champagne each for the pre-party at her (boyfriend’s) penthouse flat in Belgravia, a super strong vodka soda that we could light our breath on fire and topping it all off with our bottle service of Croatian vodka that tasted like nail polish remover. Needless to say we were housed. They played really good music and we danced the night away. Shelby captured the (unwanted) attention of an English accented Mexican fellow who bought us shots of tequila and I showed them all how it was done. I vaguely remember calling my and Mark’s (aka Saf) mutual friend to get his number since I had erased it from my phone. I don’t know if you remember but I have a problem with drunk texting and dialing. For some unknown reason she gave it to me after I promised that I would only text him “Happy New Year!”. She has now learned her lesson that I also tell white lies when drunk. I saved the number to my phone and proceeded to text him 5 times with two “where are you?”, one blank text, one “are you alive?” and one “dude” text. I have no recollection of getting home but thankfully I did and I woke up in my birthday suit with my clothes from the night before strung all over the flat. Classy.

The next day and the day after New Year’s Day, I suffered from the worst hang over ever. Two days of hell. I checked my phone to assess the damage and found the text messages and also that I had called him as well. I agonized over the fact of how obnoxious I was with the texts and how I showed how I can’t handle my liquor once again (there’s a back story with him that may or may not involve me hammered and grinding him up against a wall). Monday morning rolled around and I figured out that the text messages that I had sent actually had an extra number in it so therefore my texts didn’t go through! Eureka! I was sooo ecstatic that he didn’t see them and that he just had a missed call from me and that he would think I dialed him by accident.

An hour later my bubble was burst when I received this email from him:

Hey!
Happy new year.

Do you by any chance recall phoning me about 5 times and leaving me messages in Spanish on my voicemail?? Haha – classic! I didn’t even get drunk on new year’s – I wanted to be fresh and non-hung-over for skiing

Um…so much worse than the original texts! And speaking another language! WTF? I guess I had been speaking Spanish to the Mexican guy and it carried over to me leaving messages. When I stopped laughing and dying of mortification, I knew I had to write him back but not seem all eager beaver and like I was in love with him since I was clearly thinking of him on New Year’s Eve of all nights!

I wrote back:

Who knew the combination of champagne and vodka could make me so bilingual! Haha – sorry about that. Hope you had a good time skiing. Happy New Year!

And scene.

Skully is coming to London in February (he’s working in Dubai) and has organized drinks which I’m sure will include Mark.

I think I'll greet him with “Hola! Como estas!”.

Who does this?

From: Crazy IT guy that licks his hands after sneezing (WTF?)
Sent: 21 January 2010 07:00
To: Coworker
Subject: Whistling

I am fairly sure you are the culprit. But if not then my apologies and please forward onto the actual culprit.

Do you realise how distracting your whistling is? Numerous times in the last few months (and beyond) my concentration on important and critical tasks that affect the health and well being of our company have been interrupted by incessant, distracting and irritating whistling in the room. I have asked before, and I ask again. _Please_ can you stop whistling on our floor. This is an open plan office, and your noises do affect the people around you and the jobs they are doing. (I know I am not the only person distracted by the whistling.)

Thanks.

-Crazy IT guy that licks his hands (LICKS HIS HANDS!) after sneezing (again seriously, WTF?)

Let your net always be cast and in the pool in which you least expect, there will be a fish.
-Ovid

2010...Let the games begin!

Wow...it's been awhile. And oh how I've missed you. I promise I'll be back...even if you guys have all but disappeared. I need an outlet to get stuff out...whether good or bad. Just bought a netbook so will be writing more. Promise.

Happy New Year! I think it's going to be a good one.

Suffocating in doubt

Hi all...sorry it's been soooo long. I had every intention to write while I was recovering but then my 5 weeks off work went by in a blur and here I am. It's been a pretty bad summer....one of the worsts yet.

Here it goes:

1.) My grandfather died 2 weeks ago to his battle with cancer. I flew back for the funeral and it was all surreal. It's not really real to me and I think it's weird that I haven't cried, really cried, since my hysterical sobbing at the cemetery. Christmas is not going to be the same nor is my life. From being an active, hilarious, golf playing, world traveling grandfather to one that I would speak to laying in a hospital bed to weak to even carry on a 2 minute conversation (that killed me). I must have done all of my crying the 2 weeks before his death but I still tear up. I'm just sad that my future husband* and children will never know such a hilarious man.

2.) I'm healing fine. I can now work out and am walking around normal but still have a tiny pooch that will go down with exercise and still a little sore. I'm glad the doctor got all the fibroids out but stressed to know I have endometrosis which also effects getting pregnant. Which I'm not and even if I was trying...which leads me to

3.) Boys. I could have really used bear hugs and back rubs during this time (of my grandfather) but boys basically suck right now. Have I told you how sick I am of guys promising me the world and then not delivering? Well, I am. And I just feel like I'm not worth the effort for these guys to be in a relationship. I went out with Safa and his friends and after chatting and a few cocktails I learned that surprise surprise he's not going to Bali anytime soon and when I asked him why we weren't dating then (since that was his reason for bailing) he said he was "comfy". Can I tell you how much I HATE that word? So basically he's comfortable hanging out with his friends and drinking and doesn't feel like I'm worth the effort. I'm also sick of having communication via text/email only in between seeing them in person. You can't build a relationship on this. I also don't know what to do with "I haven't counted you out (dating you)" said by another bozo. Then get off your flipping ass and actually date me.

I know what I want out of life but I'm overwhelmed with fear of getting cancer, not finding my soul mate and having kids (at a reasonable age). I'm also stressed with the time difference and trying to connect with my friends to find out how their lives are going...and I know it shouldn't be all on me to make the effort but I'm the one that chose to live here.

A little down in the dumps, which is not to say that I'm not going out...which I am a lot actually. Trying to keep myself occupied with friends and work. I just hope time heals all of this and I can be truly happy sans medication.

See you on the flip side

Well hello there. Lots has been happening since I got back from the states a couple weeks ago. Firstly, it turns out that my grandfather has Stage 4 cancer and it is in his lungs, hip and lymph nodes. He is undergoing radiation and chemo and seems to be in good spirits. He hasn't had any bad reactions to the chemo which is good and I hope he starts to feeling better but I know that it will get worse before it gets better. I'm trying to stay positive because I feel like it really is mind over matter.

Secondly, I'm going in to the hospital tomorrow to give birth to my fibroids via c-section. I'm super duper nervous but in the last couple of weeks I've been increasingly more and more uncomfortable. Just want the surgery to be over with and the healing to begin. My mom got in today and will be here for the next 2 1/2 weeks to help me. I'm off work for a month and while that sounds great, I know it will be extremely painful. Ahhhhhh!

Thirdly, on the boy front it's kind of eh... Saf is about to loose his job and then go traveling (as we had already discussed) and can't start a relationship right now knowing that he's leaving. We both handled it very well and he really is a great guy. I know I'll see him in the future because we have so many mutual friends but also because he wants to stay in touch and already has by checking on me before my surgery. Richie and I went out on Thursday night and while I had fun, I just know in the back of my mind that he's a bit of a player. I told him about my surgery and he said he would come over and cook for me so I'll just have to wait and see when and if he follows through. I'm also in the mindset that I can't really start anything right now because I'm going to be on house arrest (not really) but out of commission for a while. So my feeling right now is indifferent. Richie is a very good kisser but he totally gave me beard burn to the point that my lips are peeling like crazy. My mom looked at me funny and asked what were wrong with my lips and what I'd put on them to make them flake. That was an awkward turtle conversation!

So I'm sure I'll be blogging a lot more since I won't be so busy running around trying to get everything done before I'm moving like a snail. Hope all is well and see you on the flip side.

Positive Thoughts/Prayers Needed

I've been super busy with work but wanted to take time to ask you guys to please send positive thoughts to Golightly. She was in a very bad car accident a little over a week ago and hasn't woken up yet. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

It's funny that I've never met her but I know almost every detail about her life and she mine, through blogging. She's one of the people that I know I can count on and look forward to hearing her opinion on whatever is going on in my life at the time. I have to keep praying that one day she'll be back with her witty comments and sage advice. She has a wedding to plan and so much to live for. It really makes you sit up and think that everything can change in an instant.

For updates please visit: http://pecosgirl.blogspot.com/

Am(bushed)

Saturday night was fun...well what I can remember of it. I confused my Pinot Grigio for water and proceeded to get druzunk. The first part of the party, Saffa and I had great conversation and things were chill. Then the Skully commented that we should kiss already (which we didn't but flipped him off instead).

Later on, the alcohol may have told him that I was interested and if talking to his friend's ex weirded him out. His reply nope. But, I learned that he was breaking things off with a girl he had been seeing for the past 2 months because he's planning to leave London soon and it wouldn't be fair for her. So baggage and him leaving is a huge factor right there. We caught the last train together and it ended up stopping one stop short of my neighborhood so we had to walk a ways. I remember claiming that I had to pee and luckily we walked up to a bushy area. Needless to say, I peed on one side and he peed on the other. Do you know what that means? We could HEAR each other! (I didn't not remember this bit of info until I had flashbacks on Sunday morning). Mortification!

I remember us laughing the whole way home. In true retardedness, I said well I guess I'll never see you again when he dropped me off at my door. He replied that him and his friend's were going to the restaurant (where we all went a couple weeks ago) on Monday. He said that he would email me on Monday and I told him he wouldn't. We pecked on the lips a couple of times and I told him to prove me wrong. Yeah he didn't...I guess he meant next Monday - because I didn't receive anything.

Saffa and our mutual friend (she actually wanted to set us up in December) are going to dinner on Thursday and I can't wait for her to tell me his version of what happened. I rehashed everything for her at lunch today. Answering the call of nature in the bushes was pretty random and out of control though. At least it makes for a good cringe worthy story!

I don't feel anything one way or the other...I just wish people would stop telling me what they think I want to hear and then not follow through (even if they think I'm too drunk to remember).

Crush Attack? It's back!

Finally. But, of course, with complications.

Skully and I are friends. Truth be told, we may or may not have hooked up before he left for Australia in December but I know that things would never work out with us however I do enjoy hanging out with him.

Skully asked if I wanted to meet him and his friends (all guys except for 1 girl) for dinner last week. There was a guy there, Saf (South African), that I met a month prior at a mutual friend's birthday party and we both recognized each other. Skully and I caught up by the bar while we waited for our table and I learned that he was living with a girl he started seeing before he left for Oz. He's one of those guys that can't be alone. There were about 10 people at dinner all Australian except for Saf and I and we sat near each other and enjoyed witty banter. He's extremely funny and very cute. Extremely outdoorsy - he rode his bike to the pub. The only downfall is that he's one of Skully's really good friends that I've heard stories about and in which I'm sure he's heard (sexual) stories of me.

After dinner, we all went to the pub and Saf and I chatted away the rest of the night. I felt like I could be myself and I could also tell that he was hanging on my words just as much as I was hanging on his. The only problem was when I made it known that I was maybe interested in Saf to Skully after he made a comment that Saf was single. He said he still had feelings for me and that that would be weird and I gave the rebuttal that he LIVED with someone so therefore had no say. He said he would have to learn how to be my friend. A couple of awkward comments were thrown into the mix by him for added measure but Saf and I pretended to ignore it and I said repeatedly to the group that Skully and I were just friends. Skully took me aside said that I would have to ask Saf out for coffee (because apparently he's shy...which I didn't see at all) and that I would have to wait 3 dates for the first kiss. I'm not sure if he is trying to detour me (which it didn't besides having to ask him out...neg) but I can only imagine what he's saying to Saf. I can't stop thinking about him, which is a welcome distraction and I just wanted to be around him the whole night and can't wait to be around him again.

It turns out that there is a party on Saturday that these guys are also invited to. I made sure to let Saf know that I was going and that they should all go along. So we'll see. I don't know if I should be the one to initiate since I dated his friend or what. Mandy says I should just say we should hang out sometime...

I guess what I'm asking is, what's the rule for dating your ex-boyfriend's friend and how do you go about doing it?

It's not me, it's actually YOU

Hello. Sorry it's been a while. Basically I've been really depressed lately and it's to do with the sad fact that I tried to work things out with Graham again for the past 2 months. I guess I was slightly (read: really) embarrassed that I was being pathetic by wanting to be with him. Then I went to Austin for a wedding two weeks ago and texted with him while I was there but when I got back he disappeared. So after much angst I confronted him by balling my eyes out that he either wanted to be with me or not. Valentine's Day came up and he said he had plans with his friends. He wasn't willing to break them and after I poured my heart out you would think he would fall all over himself to do anything to make me happy. Short story he's selfish and I'm pretty sure talking to other people...he has a match.com account that I found (because I'm a super sleuth and I called him out on it in December that he didn't let me in because he was cheating and dating other people which he assured me wasn't the case while we were dating the first time). I didn't look to see when he logged in this time because that would only make me crazy and plus I trusted what he was telling me although his actions never matched them. I reached my breaking point and walked away on Thursday. I wasn't being fucked but more like mind fucked and those are my last words to him. I looked up his profile that night and sure enough the last time he logged in was 5 days ago. So I'm done for real this time. I still want all of the things he was claiming he would give me but I don't want it with someone like him. This whole time I thought it was me. If I just act this way he'd fall in love with me. If I wear skirts every time I see him he'll treat me differently. But he's never going to change. It's always going to be about him and he will never realize that's he's an asshole because in his mind he can do no wrong. I hope he and his cyber girlfriend* are happy. Although I feel sorry for her that he's going to do the same mind games he did to me and also other girls he's told me about in his past. I've erased every email, text etc. because they are all empty words and lies. I'm just embarrassed that I wasted so much time on someone that would never really appreciate how awesome I am. I promise to not talk about him anymore because he's just not worth it.

I don't want you to think I've been in a cave during this depression. I'm still taking my meds and going out. I just lost my appetite and dropped a couple of pants sizes.

In 2009 so far I:
-went to the New Kids on the Block concert. It was fantastic and I'm obsessed with the "Grown Man" song
-celebrated lots of my friend's birthdays in January and February with lots of dancing
-saw Cirque de Soleil Quidam...each one I see is more and more amazing although "O" still is number one
-went to Austin for a wedding and had a blast. All of my best friends (and their spouses, parents, etc.) were there and it was all very special. I saw how normal relationships work and do exist.
-celebrated Valentine's day with friends watching rugby in a pub then went to dinner (4 girls). There was a singer that was singing love songs walking around the restaurant and we were all singing along and she kept putting me on the mic. She got my details to maybe be a back up singer. I think I just launched a new career!

Coming up I have:
-spa weekend in Brighton
-Snow Patrol concert
-Friends birthdays and parties in between
-Wine club (monthly with girls from Junior League that are down to earth)
-Volunteering
-My mom coming to visit for Easter
-Hopefully get a beach holiday in this summer
-Counting Crows concert
-Bruce Springstein and Dave Matthews concert in Hyde Park
-Madonna
-Coldplay
-2 of my closest friends getting married this year...one in Houston and the other in Mexico in November

So I'm a busy bee. And I've missed you but I'm back and hopefully we'll return to our regularly scheduled programming of Texas Cinderella dating in London sans emotional drama. But in the meantime I'm going to concentrate on me and my own happiness for a while.

*I have nothing against internet dating, I just don't participate. I do, however, find it to be a problem if you're dating someone and they continue to interact on there profile and date other people and not inform you about it. Hence sarcasm.

Coasting

I'm alive. This has to be the longest I'm gone between posts and I miss you guys. 2009 is off to a good start. Work has been crazy and I've been catching up with friends about their holidays but finally settling into my normal routine (before I go back to Texas in 2 1/2 weeks for my childhood friend's wedding).

I hope everyone is having a good year so far!

Broken

Sorry it's been a while. I've been feeling under the weather for a while now...well literally I have the flu but emotionally I'm depressed. I don't know if it was my 30th birthday (last week) that brought this on or the whole break up thing but it's here.

While I was home I saw my family doctor and she gave me meds to help. I vowed never to get back on them (I had a bought with anxiety and depression in college after my childhood friend died suddenly in a car accident and I didn't know how to deal with it). But in this case, it's just needed. I'm not myself. I'm not eating (on the bright side I've lost 10 pounds and I'm wearing pants loosely that used to only give me a camel toe). I'm not sleeping. I'm distracted. My friends and family notice and I'm not being the person that I want to be. It's getting better now that I've been on the pills but I still need to work on letting go of trying to control every aspect of my life.

Horoscope

You're getting sick of the scenery around you -- it's time to make travel plans.

Nailed it. Luckily, I am going to be able to change the scenery and be distracted for a while. I leave tomorrow for Houston to be a bridesmaid in my good friend's wedding on Saturday. I'm only there for the weekend so I will be thrown into running around like a chicken with it's head cut off trying to get everything done - bridal luncheons, rehearsal dinners, manicures/pedicures, shopping! I'm in a funk and I think being around family and friends (that actually think I'm great) will help.

It's like a dark cloud is following me around and I need to remove myself from the situation(s) and recharge my batteries. I hope to come back and start acting like myself again because even I'm getting sick of me.

A league of their own

Last night, while volunteering at our annual Junior League charity fundraiser, I found myself surrounded by women (my age) living the life I've always wanted. They sported they're ginormous Tiffany's rocks and talked about the men behind the diamonds that adore them. Living their perfect lives, with their perfect husbands, in their perfect flats, with their gorgeous, perfect 2.5 children, going on their perfect holidays, in their perfect clothes, with their perfect hair.

I just want an ounce of that (the love part) but instead I sabotage anything good that comes my way.

I hope one day to be a part of that "league" but right now it all seems very doubtful.

Another one bites the dust

I'm not going to lie, these past 2 weeks have been hard. Filled with anxiety and panic attacks and control issues. But it's done. And Graham and I are no longer. I'm not sure when or where it all went wrong but it just was not to be. And I think I held onto it longer than I should because of the lines he fed me on the future and being on the same page, etc. I wasn't in love with him but in love with the idea of being in love with him. Something just wasn't clicking and I thought it was because we were spending too much time together and if he was at his new job it would be different but now I see that wasn't the case. He ticked all of my boxes:
cute
smart
funny
good dresser
good family values
older
educated
cultured
tall
successful
etc.

Except one. It felt forced and not effortless. And in the end I saw his true character and selfishness.

And I know I'll find this again with someone else but it just stings a little and I'm trying to work through it. I'm also slightly freaking out because I turn 30 in 30 days and I have nothing to show for it. (I thought I'd be married with 3 kids by the time I was 30). Plus I'm in a wedding with all of my close friends in a couple of weeks and I'm still the single girl in the room waiting to catch the bouquet -with the failed relationships under her belt.

I'm already picking up the pieces (deleted him from my phone, erased emails, his songs on my ipod) and I'm trying to sort through everything so that I don't dwell too long. It will take time and I will survive...I just wish it didn't hurt so much.