I have a BF!!!

Wow, it's been a while! What I've been up to:
-had a blast in St. Lucia for D's wedding. Destination wedding is definitely in the cards for me...one day!
-I'm still dating the German, K and am going to the lake district in Italy (think Clooney's house on Como) in a couple weeks to meet the parents. The mom does not speak a word of English. Lots of smiling and nodding will be going on!
-I'm at home right now for my friend V's wedding - always a bridesmaid, never a bride! K sent me 36 assorted roses yesterday...so sweet!
-Things are different with K. I'm not anxious or freaking out with him. He is incredibly honest and reliable and I just feel secure with him. He gives the best bear hugs and doesn't let go and is a great cuddler! His English sometimes gets mixed up and makes for some great laughs but he also gets my sense of humor and can grasp it. He wants to take me away...and I believe he actually will!
-While everything is going well in my personal life - bf, great friends and family - my work life is not so much. I've been unhappy in my job since I moved back from NY and started at this company. It really is a great company but the job is just not for me and starting to get really political. Like sometimes I'm in a sick twisted novel...so petty. So I will be on the hunt and hope to be able to get back into retail/luxury brand again. It all depends on my flipping visa though...

So I'm happy (with exception to the job) and looking forward to this summer. Isle of Wight music festival complete with tents and wellies, Cinque Terra with my close girlfriends and hopefully Bali in the Fall. Lots going on and I promise to be better about blogging!

Goodbyes

You know what really sucks? Losing another grandparent in the span of six months and having to say goodbye to your 90 year-old grandmother because she's "ready to go". She's been in the hospital since Monday and isn't eating or drinking and the doctors have called in Hospice. It's also heartbreaking to speak with your bawling father on the phone while he watches his mother slip away.

I remember climbing onto her plump lap as a little girl and using her massive boobs as pillows and inhaling her distinct "Mimi" smell of Avon Skin So Soft and peppermint oil. Where she use to be twice my size, she's now smaller than I am and wasting away.

I know she's looking forward to seeing my grandfather, who died 7 years ago, in Heaven but she will be missed by her four children, eight grandchildren and eight great-grandchildren.

Suffocating in doubt

Hi all...sorry it's been soooo long. I had every intention to write while I was recovering but then my 5 weeks off work went by in a blur and here I am. It's been a pretty bad summer....one of the worsts yet.

Here it goes:

1.) My grandfather died 2 weeks ago to his battle with cancer. I flew back for the funeral and it was all surreal. It's not really real to me and I think it's weird that I haven't cried, really cried, since my hysterical sobbing at the cemetery. Christmas is not going to be the same nor is my life. From being an active, hilarious, golf playing, world traveling grandfather to one that I would speak to laying in a hospital bed to weak to even carry on a 2 minute conversation (that killed me). I must have done all of my crying the 2 weeks before his death but I still tear up. I'm just sad that my future husband* and children will never know such a hilarious man.

2.) I'm healing fine. I can now work out and am walking around normal but still have a tiny pooch that will go down with exercise and still a little sore. I'm glad the doctor got all the fibroids out but stressed to know I have endometrosis which also effects getting pregnant. Which I'm not and even if I was trying...which leads me to

3.) Boys. I could have really used bear hugs and back rubs during this time (of my grandfather) but boys basically suck right now. Have I told you how sick I am of guys promising me the world and then not delivering? Well, I am. And I just feel like I'm not worth the effort for these guys to be in a relationship. I went out with Safa and his friends and after chatting and a few cocktails I learned that surprise surprise he's not going to Bali anytime soon and when I asked him why we weren't dating then (since that was his reason for bailing) he said he was "comfy". Can I tell you how much I HATE that word? So basically he's comfortable hanging out with his friends and drinking and doesn't feel like I'm worth the effort. I'm also sick of having communication via text/email only in between seeing them in person. You can't build a relationship on this. I also don't know what to do with "I haven't counted you out (dating you)" said by another bozo. Then get off your flipping ass and actually date me.

I know what I want out of life but I'm overwhelmed with fear of getting cancer, not finding my soul mate and having kids (at a reasonable age). I'm also stressed with the time difference and trying to connect with my friends to find out how their lives are going...and I know it shouldn't be all on me to make the effort but I'm the one that chose to live here.

A little down in the dumps, which is not to say that I'm not going out...which I am a lot actually. Trying to keep myself occupied with friends and work. I just hope time heals all of this and I can be truly happy sans medication.

See you on the flip side

Well hello there. Lots has been happening since I got back from the states a couple weeks ago. Firstly, it turns out that my grandfather has Stage 4 cancer and it is in his lungs, hip and lymph nodes. He is undergoing radiation and chemo and seems to be in good spirits. He hasn't had any bad reactions to the chemo which is good and I hope he starts to feeling better but I know that it will get worse before it gets better. I'm trying to stay positive because I feel like it really is mind over matter.

Secondly, I'm going in to the hospital tomorrow to give birth to my fibroids via c-section. I'm super duper nervous but in the last couple of weeks I've been increasingly more and more uncomfortable. Just want the surgery to be over with and the healing to begin. My mom got in today and will be here for the next 2 1/2 weeks to help me. I'm off work for a month and while that sounds great, I know it will be extremely painful. Ahhhhhh!

Thirdly, on the boy front it's kind of eh... Saf is about to loose his job and then go traveling (as we had already discussed) and can't start a relationship right now knowing that he's leaving. We both handled it very well and he really is a great guy. I know I'll see him in the future because we have so many mutual friends but also because he wants to stay in touch and already has by checking on me before my surgery. Richie and I went out on Thursday night and while I had fun, I just know in the back of my mind that he's a bit of a player. I told him about my surgery and he said he would come over and cook for me so I'll just have to wait and see when and if he follows through. I'm also in the mindset that I can't really start anything right now because I'm going to be on house arrest (not really) but out of commission for a while. So my feeling right now is indifferent. Richie is a very good kisser but he totally gave me beard burn to the point that my lips are peeling like crazy. My mom looked at me funny and asked what were wrong with my lips and what I'd put on them to make them flake. That was an awkward turtle conversation!

So I'm sure I'll be blogging a lot more since I won't be so busy running around trying to get everything done before I'm moving like a snail. Hope all is well and see you on the flip side.

Goings Ons

Sorry I've been m.i.a. I've had a lot going on with work and personal stuff....here's the run down:

1) My grandfather may have lung cancer and kidney cancer. He is undergoing several biopsy’s to figure out what is wrong with him. He’s only 80 and we’re very close so this is hitting me especially hard.

2) I have to have a c-section sometime in the near future to take out fibroid tumors in my uterus and one that is pressing on my bladder. I went to the gyno because I was having irregular and brutal/painful periods and they did an ultrasound and MRI and came to this conclusion. My mom is going to have to come over for 2 weeks to help me as I will not be able to walk/work for 4 weeks. Not looking forward to it but if it will let me have a baby in the future then so be it. I had my appendix taken out laproscopically and that hurt like a biotch with 3 tiny incisions in my stomach muscles…I can only imagine what a 6 inch gash is going to feel like.

3) Of course I’ve finally mastered the art of dating; ie dating multiple people and just having fun (in a non sexual way). I’m in the narrowing down phase but it really has taken the pressure and usual psycho analyzing out of the equation and I’m actually able to enjoy dating again.
The contenders are:
Saf (South African) – The very same from February that I peed in the bush with. I randomly met up with him and some of his friends a couple of weeks ago. Needless to say Saf was three sheets to the wind and professed that we needed to date. The only consolation is that he may or may not loose his job soon and if he does then he’s off to Bali to surf for 6 months. We went out a couple of times before he left for Germany for 2 weeks to cycle the Danube river. He’s very outdoorsy and very funny and I can't wait for him to come back.
Richy (British) – nickname because he owns 3 companies and wined and dined me when we went out. I met him in March at a bar and gave him my card but didn’t go out with him until the beginning of May. We had a great time but I have this feeling he’s a player…35 still single and cash to burn. He keeps telling me he wants to see me but is yet to make plans to actually do it. He does call so that's good...but maybe not enough. He's too busy hanging out at Richard Branson's house it seems. All games and I’m not having it really.
Bartender (Aussie)– my flatmate and I had a cinco de mayo party a couple weeks ago and we went to our local pub beforehand for dinner/stomach lining. The cute Australian bartender and I had been making eyes at each other for about a month so I got up the courage to ask him how to make a margarita. He didn’t know how but I somehow invited him to our party and clichély gave him my number on a cocktail napkin. He had to go out with friends that night but he texted me and sometime in the future I’m sure I’ll try his concoction of a margarita.

4.) Is it bad that I'm stressing out that my dating life will go to pot when I have my surgery? My friends say that will be the true test of character for the person I'm dating and how they handle the situation. Blah.

5.) I’m going to Boston on Thursday to visit my friend Christina and her husband and meet their little 1 ½ year old daughter, Paige. They have another one on the way and I’m excited to hang out in Beantown. Hello lobster rolls and clam chowder! I was supposed to stay until Sunday but have changed my ticket to fly down to New Orleans on Saturday - Monday to spend time with my parents and grandparents. The grandparents don’t know that I have to have the surgery but I wanted to see my grandfather while I was in the states in case (heaven forbid) something were to happen while I’m laid up in bed and can’t fly home. I’m surprising them so hopefully they like they’re treat!

6.) Other than that, I’ve been hanging out with friends, working a lot and going to concerts like a fiend.

I missed you guys!

It's not me, it's actually YOU

Hello. Sorry it's been a while. Basically I've been really depressed lately and it's to do with the sad fact that I tried to work things out with Graham again for the past 2 months. I guess I was slightly (read: really) embarrassed that I was being pathetic by wanting to be with him. Then I went to Austin for a wedding two weeks ago and texted with him while I was there but when I got back he disappeared. So after much angst I confronted him by balling my eyes out that he either wanted to be with me or not. Valentine's Day came up and he said he had plans with his friends. He wasn't willing to break them and after I poured my heart out you would think he would fall all over himself to do anything to make me happy. Short story he's selfish and I'm pretty sure talking to other people...he has a match.com account that I found (because I'm a super sleuth and I called him out on it in December that he didn't let me in because he was cheating and dating other people which he assured me wasn't the case while we were dating the first time). I didn't look to see when he logged in this time because that would only make me crazy and plus I trusted what he was telling me although his actions never matched them. I reached my breaking point and walked away on Thursday. I wasn't being fucked but more like mind fucked and those are my last words to him. I looked up his profile that night and sure enough the last time he logged in was 5 days ago. So I'm done for real this time. I still want all of the things he was claiming he would give me but I don't want it with someone like him. This whole time I thought it was me. If I just act this way he'd fall in love with me. If I wear skirts every time I see him he'll treat me differently. But he's never going to change. It's always going to be about him and he will never realize that's he's an asshole because in his mind he can do no wrong. I hope he and his cyber girlfriend* are happy. Although I feel sorry for her that he's going to do the same mind games he did to me and also other girls he's told me about in his past. I've erased every email, text etc. because they are all empty words and lies. I'm just embarrassed that I wasted so much time on someone that would never really appreciate how awesome I am. I promise to not talk about him anymore because he's just not worth it.

I don't want you to think I've been in a cave during this depression. I'm still taking my meds and going out. I just lost my appetite and dropped a couple of pants sizes.

In 2009 so far I:
-went to the New Kids on the Block concert. It was fantastic and I'm obsessed with the "Grown Man" song
-celebrated lots of my friend's birthdays in January and February with lots of dancing
-saw Cirque de Soleil Quidam...each one I see is more and more amazing although "O" still is number one
-went to Austin for a wedding and had a blast. All of my best friends (and their spouses, parents, etc.) were there and it was all very special. I saw how normal relationships work and do exist.
-celebrated Valentine's day with friends watching rugby in a pub then went to dinner (4 girls). There was a singer that was singing love songs walking around the restaurant and we were all singing along and she kept putting me on the mic. She got my details to maybe be a back up singer. I think I just launched a new career!

Coming up I have:
-spa weekend in Brighton
-Snow Patrol concert
-Friends birthdays and parties in between
-Wine club (monthly with girls from Junior League that are down to earth)
-Volunteering
-My mom coming to visit for Easter
-Hopefully get a beach holiday in this summer
-Counting Crows concert
-Bruce Springstein and Dave Matthews concert in Hyde Park
-Madonna
-Coldplay
-2 of my closest friends getting married this year...one in Houston and the other in Mexico in November

So I'm a busy bee. And I've missed you but I'm back and hopefully we'll return to our regularly scheduled programming of Texas Cinderella dating in London sans emotional drama. But in the meantime I'm going to concentrate on me and my own happiness for a while.

*I have nothing against internet dating, I just don't participate. I do, however, find it to be a problem if you're dating someone and they continue to interact on there profile and date other people and not inform you about it. Hence sarcasm.

Broken

Sorry it's been a while. I've been feeling under the weather for a while now...well literally I have the flu but emotionally I'm depressed. I don't know if it was my 30th birthday (last week) that brought this on or the whole break up thing but it's here.

While I was home I saw my family doctor and she gave me meds to help. I vowed never to get back on them (I had a bought with anxiety and depression in college after my childhood friend died suddenly in a car accident and I didn't know how to deal with it). But in this case, it's just needed. I'm not myself. I'm not eating (on the bright side I've lost 10 pounds and I'm wearing pants loosely that used to only give me a camel toe). I'm not sleeping. I'm distracted. My friends and family notice and I'm not being the person that I want to be. It's getting better now that I've been on the pills but I still need to work on letting go of trying to control every aspect of my life.

The Works

I'm back in London after voluntarily torturing myself for the past 2 weeks. It went something like this (note: too much information definitley shared):

May 15th, Thursday - I had my deviated septum surgery and everything went fine until I woke up from the anesthesia and my world was spinning. Needless to say I threw up the blood that had pooled in my stomach during the operation and didn't think I could make it getting into a moving car to go home. I sat in the recovery room for an hour and the nurse then wheeled me to my mom's car. I had to get out of the chair and walk to keep from vomiting more. The nurse kept apologizing for the "movement". She said that word one too many times and I said "I'm sorry, but you're going to have to not say that word anymore" since I was definitely feeling the flipping movement.

I wasn't in any pain, only very uncomfortable and couldn't breathe since there were splints in my nose...this continued for a week before I got them out. I had some bleeding from my nose as well but just kept a tissue handy to wipe it up. I had to take antibiotics the size of horse pills and this then lead to a raging yeast infection. I didn't think things could get much worse down there until my monthly visitor decided to make an early appearance. Awesome!

I kept a low profile during the weekend except for a trip for Mexican food with my old roommate and her fiance with my blood catcher taped under my nose...so cute. Other than that, I felt extremely light headed and stayed indoors.

Tuesday, I had an appointment with the butt doctor. A little back story (no pun intended!), I'm a "strainer" so instead of having an internal roid, I instead had an external roid that was the vain of my existence. Very painful and so I got it removed. The doctor initially walked in with his hot doctor son but quickly exited and came back with a female nurse. Can you imagine spreading my cheeks in front of hot doctor son?!?

Holy mother effer! If that wasn't the worst pain I've ever experienced! I called my mom to tell her I was now bleeding from every orifice! Lovely.

This procedure caused me to walk extremely slowly and I was very cautious of how I sat. I won't even tell you that every time I had to drop the kids off at the pool, I had to brace myself for the pain. Oh the pain. It's now healing nicely, thankfully, and I don't feel like I'm shatting knives.

Wednesday, I shuffled into the dermatologist office to get a few moles removed. He decided to take off 2 extra ones that he was concerned about. This irked me more than it was painful. Just the thought of having 4 sliced off skin areas gave me chills.

I asked him if there was a cream for under eye circles, to which he examined my face with those magnifying glasses and proclaimed I had "lots of wrinkles". WTF? I get mistaken for a 23 year old all the time.

Earlier that day I got my splints removed from my nose which finally let me breathe through my nose instead of being the mouth breather I was for the week. Holy hell those splints were long and HUGE...no wonder I couldn't breathe!

Thursday, I had to sit in the car, with all of the above problems, for 5 hours to go to Louisiana to visit my grandparents. My parents dropped me off in Baton Rouge while they went to New Orleans for a couple of days for a wine festival. Bastards! :)

I was stuck with my 80 year-old grandfather (whom is one of the funniest people I know but was in a bad mood because he had surgery a week before on his heel and was hopping around the house on one foot) and my blunt grandmother. An example of her bluntness: We were shopping and ran into some of her friends. One of them was looking at a pair of pants and my grandmother asked if she was going to try them on and the lady said they didn't have her size. My grandmother picked up an XL and said it would fit her. The lady protested and my grandmother looked her up and down and said she thought they would fit...since they ran small -great save grandma. I was mortified. Luckily she thought I was "tiny" this trip and was force feeding me.

My parents and I came back after the long weekend and I was finally starting to feel much better.

I met up with my best friend for shopping and sushi on Tuesday and did way too much damage!

Wednesday, I went to the dentist (family friend - my mom's best friend's son-in-law) for a cleaning and a filling. I always get the nitrous oxide and for some reason with his stuff I get effed up. He had asked me about a project in Australia that I could some day get on at work before giving me the goods. Five minutes into the gas, I was in the flipping Outback. After a while on that stuff, I started to get nauseous and took the mask off my face. The rest of the day I was out of commission with dizziness. Next time, I'll tell him not to crank it up. Oops. My mouth was so numb 12 hours later. I hate that feeling!

Thursday, I went to my family doctor that I've been going to since I was 7. She hooked me up with my Xanax and called me a junkie.

That night I got my friends together for happy hour at a local bar in midtown since I hadn't seen them all 2 weeks. I loved hanging out and catching up my peeps but I'm super glad about my decision to stay in London. I'm not invisible here. I can't explain it but that's how I feel when I go out there.

Friday, I got a Brazilian wax and told her not to wax the back door like she normally does. Oh the pain that would have caused! Then, like a dumbass, I drove around Houston with the sunroof open to get some sun before I left -my flight wasn't until 10.30pm. (I could have had a killer tan but I felt like crap so I didn't lay out like I wanted over the 2 weeks home). I ended up with my right shoulder and arm burnt to a crisp. So sexy...a one-sided tan.

Then I hopped on the plane (read: passed the eff out and don't even remember take off -thanks Xanax!) and came back to Londontown. I'm looking forward to being back in the office...well sort of... and not working from home anymore...as much as I thought I would like that. I felt so unorganized and out of the loop with my colleagues being 6 hours ahead.

I'm excited about starting my "new and improved" life!

(I got all of my "treatments" done on US insurance before I'm officially on UK insurance July 1st).

Worked Up

I'm at home now so as to NOT have my nervous breakdown at work. A lot of things are happening all at once and they're time sensitive so as to increase the pressure in my life. I know it will pass but I can't help crying uncontrollably and being a passive aggressive biotch to everyone that crosses my path.

In an effort to take me back to my youth, when times were so much easier and other people made my decisions, I just ate my weight in mini-strawberry cupcakes. I'm also watching this on repeat. It helps.

I hate being a grown-up!

Crazy Busy

I know I haven't posted lately and it's only because I've been crazy busy. When I got back from having an awesome time in Florence with lots of drunken singing on stage and at karaoke, I had to jump head first into work. Everyone bailed on my project and so it's basically just me running the show. But here's what I've been up to:


-celebrated my 29th birthday and had a blast!
-went to my company Christmas party and had a blast!
-had a friend Christmas party with my American friends in London at Sketch and had a blast!
-only have 4 days of work left before I head to Houston to spend Christmas and time with friends and family, visit Mandy in San Fran for New Year's and you guessed it, plan to have a blast!

I hope you guys are well and I'm looking forward to the new year and my new clean slate!

Recappage

To follow in Golightly's footsteps, I'll break down what has been going on in my world over the last couple of weeks by category:

Africa

Was interesting. I did learn a lot while there and I'd always wanted to go but it was more like camping than the safari I had dreamt of and that little thing called work. Being with your boss for 14 hours 4 days straight got a little draining but I think that would happen with anyone in 130F heat.

Spain

Blake and I had a b.l.a.s.t! We soaked up the sun during the day and partied hard at night. I'd always wanted to go to Nikki Beach (sadly because of Tara Reid's Wild On.. show). It was full of beautiful people. Blake was in heaven. I had to constantly wipe the drool off his mouth. The second night we found this great place called Puerto Banus with a string of bars that spilled out into the streets. Let's just say free shots all night long contributed to me being holed up in the bathroom our last day. Luckily I rallied and was able to enjoy the sun. We have our Greece trip all lined up with his roommate and another one of her friends for the end of the month. Should be good times!

Kanger

We played tennis. He won, only because I was afraid to fall on my ass (again in front of him) on the AstroTurf and sand. We grabbed drinks after and talked about everything and at his suggestion he said I could have a rematch when I got back from Texas 2 weeks later. Stupidly I was drinking red wine and told him that he should get off at my stop after making out with him all the way to the tube station. He said he didn't have his clothes for work the next day and to his credit he does live 40 minutes away and 40 minutes to work. So he said that after our rematch he would bring his clothes and stay over. Fast forward to this week (2 weeks later) and we texted back and forth with him not suggesting what he suggested before I left. Are we seeing a pattern? So in my stupidness I said we should hang out before he leaves for his trip (in 3 weeks he's traveling for 2 months and may or may not work in London before moving back to Australia in December). That text was on Tuesday and silence and crickets. So me not wanting to look like I lover him again, I called him out once and for all in the form of this text on Thursday night:

"Deja fucking vu. Why say shit that you had no intention of even happening? You can treat that as a rhetorical questions since you're selective in your replies. I get that you're traveling and moving back but it doesn't make it any less dick or fucked up - two things I didn't think you were."

And you can guess what kind of response I got from that. His signature move.

*Update: I received a text from Kanger on Friday night. I had been at the pub with friends and was on my way home at midnight since I was still jet lagged. I could tell he was wasted and he said he wanted to meet up. Long story short his mates were in town and had gotten a hold of his phone. I should have caught on when he texted he wanted to see me....naked. But me being the fool said I wanted to meet up too. A lot of phone tossing with me actually talking to his mates before finally speaking (read: yelling) at Kanger after he told me he hadn't texted me any of it and after he hung up once I started crying. I told him again that he was fucked up and played mind games. Then I hung up on him after asking if him and his friends were 12 years old. A whole bottle of wine will make you do/say crazy things. Mandy helped console me all the way in San Francisco and talked me down (much appresh). I am officially turned off and will never speak to him again. Asshole.

Home

Home was hectic but fun. I got a baseball game in, went to the doctor and dentist (where I got way too out of control with the nitrious oxide), had a girly spa day with my friends, threw a baby shower for CW and spent time with my friends and family. I went home mainly for my 10 year high school reunion, which I highly recommend! I went with all of my friends that I've known and have remained in touch with for years-many from the 1st grade. We pre-partied before hand and got there fashionably late but with enough time to talk to people we hadn't seen in 10 years. We partied it down with the DJ that played 90s hits-so much fun jamming to Paperboy's "Ditty". (I can't find it on itunes to download it-sadness!)

The COG

What can I say? He's still in the mix. Right now I'm in the mind frame of just having fun. Lord knows I've been looking in all the wrong places and finding frogs. He's different and a good distraction right now. And I know nothing between us will ever progress and become serious, so why not? I can see him on the weekdays and be on the prowl for new merchandise on the weekends. A perfect combination. A little complicated with the whole working together thing...but as you know I love good drama. :)

Work

Work is good. After going home, I realized that I really don't have any desire to come home in November when my contract is up. Which brings up the part where while I was home I didn't go into the office to talk to my boss about this to make sure he worked from his end to get me on another project here. To make matters worse, my dad's best friend, the Vice President of my department sent me a sarcastic email saying that he was sorry I didn't have the time to say hello while I was home and that he was sure my boss appreciated it, too. My dad's best friend lives in my parents neighborhood and I could have easily stopped by but didn't plan accordingly. So now I have to basically kiss people's asses in Houston and in London to get on another project. My time in London can't be over in November...I'm not ready!

My Apologies

Sorry there's been silence on the airwaves. I did go to Spain and had a blast. The tennis match with Kanger did happen. And then I had to hop on a plane to Texas for my 10 year high school reunion as well as throw a baby shower for one of my best friend's. Should be interesting! I promise to post the recaps of Africa, Spain and of course the infamous game in addition to my whirlwind trip to Texas.

I'll be back soon and I hope all is well.

Tag team back again...

Kat tagged me to share 10 things you don't know about me but I think I]ll play by her rules and tell you 10 things that are going on with me right now (especially since the boy situation is somewhat lacking as of late):

-I'm flying to Paris tomorrow afternoon to spend quality time with my favorite grandparents who will be there for a week before going onto Russia. They had my mom when they were really young so they don't smell like Bengay or play bingo. My grandfather has to be the funniest person I know. I teach him inappropriate sayings, ie "It's hot as balls in here", "I've got to go pinch a loaf" etc. You know basic potty humor that we think is hilarious!

-My grandmother speaks French and I'm super stoked to be able to get around Paris without being insanely frustrated (at myself) with the language barrier. I somehow always manage to answer them in Spanish at least once.

-I get back from Paris on Monday afternoon and then two days later my best friend CW from Boston and her sister are coming to visit! So excited. Plus CW is 3 months preggers and I can't wait to see her baby glow. She's still keen to hitting the pubs so I'm also excited to have some new wing women to help with my missing mojo! These girls are gorgeous!

-I'm moving into a new flat next Saturday and I'm soooo excited! It's pretty pimp and newly renovated in a great location. CW is going to stand guard of my crap on the street since she can't lift anything while I drag up my shit to the 3rd floor-only bad thing about it but I figure if I could live in a 5th floor walkup in NYC, I can do it here. Plus I won't have to take my laundry down all of those flights of stairs like before because I have a washer and dryer in my place. Sweet!

-I've been reading "The Secret" over and over again and listening to daily affirmations from "You can heal your life" to try to turn my life around. I'm slowly but surely weeding out my negativity and self doubt and things are looking up.

-Part of the process is forgiving people in your life and just yesterday Gianluca and I had a nice chat online. He asked how London was and I told him I was really happy to which he replied that I deserve to be happy. Damn straight!

-I haven't heard from Kanger since our emails last week and I'm okay with that. I know that I will hear from him/see him sometime in the future. The old me planner in me would rationalize exactly when I should expect to hear from him but I'm done with expectations. They only bring disappointment and that is negative. So I know that he will be back in my life as a friend but it's up to the Universe to put it in action. Plus the night I met him his friend Watto was flipping hilarious and I remember thinking I wish I would have talked to him instead. So I would love to hang out with him and his friends again.

-My family friend KS and her husband are moving here and I'm super pumped. KS used to babysit me while our parents went out on the town..although we figured it out and she's only 2 years older than me...was she really that mature? We lived in NYC at the same time so it will be great to have a "family member" across the pond permanently!

-My cousin was here this past week on business. We work for the same company so my coworker/friend HM was able to meet the infamous "attorney" and see first hand of the brutality. He's a great guy and very genuine but a complete and total pansy. I went to get him at the hotel for lunch on Sunday and we started walking to the restaurant and he was like "TC don't walk so fast I'm really run down". Insert eye roll here. And to top it ALL off he lost his voice because his sinus's weren't draining. WTF? And I've never met anyone so full of themselves. At one point he pulled out his blackberry and laid it on the table. After a moment of silence, I was like did you get a text or an email? Nope...he just took it out so that he could show me that he had one...like I've never seen one before. Brutal. He also said he would buy my car (which I'm selling if anyone is interested!) if he didn't have "The Porsche" - from the year 1987 and has holey leather seats. He says "The Porsche" like he's driving a brand spanking new one.

-Today I went to Bliss for my redo for my inverted Brazilian. Chick hurt like a biotch but was so needed to ummm equal everything out. She was stumped by what the previous girl "did" to me! Total cost of debauchery and recovery: $180 Yikes. Oh yes and I totally am going on a budget when I move. I would like to save money while here (purpose of living abroad) not spending every cent.

Sorry so long...thanks Kat for giving me a swift kick in the arse.

Have a great weekend!

Catch up Smatch up

The past few weekends have proved that I've officially lost my mojo. My friends and I have gone to our local pub- the pub where I met Kanger and Niall. But no dice. Not a single bite whatsoever. And to top it all off, I can't stop thinking of Kanger. He's back from his trip to Turkey and like a good friend, I sent him a quick email to see how it went. He replied that it was good and asked how I was. I brought him up to speed and threw in the "We should catch up about your trip soon" card WAY to early.

Silence and crickets.

I know I brought it on myself but tonight, Kanger is on his way back to Australia (in my mind, of course). He's out of town this weekend. I'm out of town next weekend and my friend from Boston comes in town for the following one, making our tennis session postponed in evidently. The over-analyzing is getting me down and taking over my head. So not healthy.
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I have a busy weekend ahead luckily. Cinco de Mayo celebrations in London should be fun. My cousin is coming in town on Sunday and hanging out (hopefully) in the sunshine on Monday.
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I just got an extension to be in London for 6 more months! Which is awesome news! I will be able to move into a real life flat which I'm super happy about. (Right now I'm in a flat/hotel type place-nice but I want to put my own personal touch).
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I had an oops moment earlier when I was cleaning out my sent messages and accidentally re-sent my brush off text to the English dude with the 16 year-old daughter. Karma isn't going to come and get me right? It was such an accident. I stood there in bewilderment when I realized what was happening...wishing for a recall button on my phone. Ahhhhh!

Flat Out

Exhausted. It's 2am and I'm sitting in my new flat. I finally left the hotel after 4 months and I really miss my routine I had there. The first night anywhere in a new place is hard but when your mom and aunt are on their way, as we speak, the anxiety really sets in.

I'm signed up to be the navigator of London while my mom will act as tour guide for their visit. That's sure to be extremely exhausting days in my studio flat, no less. My friends from Nice are going to be in town as well as Melissa (This is it, seriously?) and I'm going to try with all of my might to meet up but the odds aren't looking up and I am disappointed that I might miss hanging out.

Once my mom and aunt leave on Wednesday, I have to hop on a 6am flight to Paris, travel the French countryside for a meeting and then return to London on Thursday. Somewhere in there I have to work on my interviewing skills as I'm a candidate for a permanent position here (in which I went behind my current department's back) although I'm not sure when I will have time to actually go on the interview.

And to add to all of the stress, Kanger is still MIA. And "I do really like u" keeps repeating in my head and playing mind games. Because really? REALLY? I'm actually excited for the distraction of not jumping every time my phone rings or checking to see if I have a new text message. Because if I did, Kanger's name has been officially changed to Dick.