St. Lucia, Baby!

I'm in sunny and hot St.Lucia for one of my best friend's weddings. I've been here for a couple days to start on my tan and relax and unwind but I can't wait to catch up with my old friends and see my best friend C and her hubby. It's an all inclusive resort with all you can eat and drink. I'm hoping I can still fit into my bridesmaids dress on Saturday!

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Se habla Espanol!

My 2010 started off with an embarrassing bang. I went home for Christmas for a week and then came back to London to ring in the new year in style. My friend Shelby belongs to a swanky members only club in Mayfair and we decided to get a table for the night. Since our regular gang of Americans were still in the states and her boyfriend was in Switzerland, we had that much more alcohol between us. And drink it we did. Starting with half a bottle of champagne each for the pre-party at her (boyfriend’s) penthouse flat in Belgravia, a super strong vodka soda that we could light our breath on fire and topping it all off with our bottle service of Croatian vodka that tasted like nail polish remover. Needless to say we were housed. They played really good music and we danced the night away. Shelby captured the (unwanted) attention of an English accented Mexican fellow who bought us shots of tequila and I showed them all how it was done. I vaguely remember calling my and Mark’s (aka Saf) mutual friend to get his number since I had erased it from my phone. I don’t know if you remember but I have a problem with drunk texting and dialing. For some unknown reason she gave it to me after I promised that I would only text him “Happy New Year!”. She has now learned her lesson that I also tell white lies when drunk. I saved the number to my phone and proceeded to text him 5 times with two “where are you?”, one blank text, one “are you alive?” and one “dude” text. I have no recollection of getting home but thankfully I did and I woke up in my birthday suit with my clothes from the night before strung all over the flat. Classy.

The next day and the day after New Year’s Day, I suffered from the worst hang over ever. Two days of hell. I checked my phone to assess the damage and found the text messages and also that I had called him as well. I agonized over the fact of how obnoxious I was with the texts and how I showed how I can’t handle my liquor once again (there’s a back story with him that may or may not involve me hammered and grinding him up against a wall). Monday morning rolled around and I figured out that the text messages that I had sent actually had an extra number in it so therefore my texts didn’t go through! Eureka! I was sooo ecstatic that he didn’t see them and that he just had a missed call from me and that he would think I dialed him by accident.

An hour later my bubble was burst when I received this email from him:

Hey!
Happy new year.

Do you by any chance recall phoning me about 5 times and leaving me messages in Spanish on my voicemail?? Haha – classic! I didn’t even get drunk on new year’s – I wanted to be fresh and non-hung-over for skiing

Um…so much worse than the original texts! And speaking another language! WTF? I guess I had been speaking Spanish to the Mexican guy and it carried over to me leaving messages. When I stopped laughing and dying of mortification, I knew I had to write him back but not seem all eager beaver and like I was in love with him since I was clearly thinking of him on New Year’s Eve of all nights!

I wrote back:

Who knew the combination of champagne and vodka could make me so bilingual! Haha – sorry about that. Hope you had a good time skiing. Happy New Year!

And scene.

Skully is coming to London in February (he’s working in Dubai) and has organized drinks which I’m sure will include Mark.

I think I'll greet him with “Hola! Como estas!”.

Am(bushed)

Saturday night was fun...well what I can remember of it. I confused my Pinot Grigio for water and proceeded to get druzunk. The first part of the party, Saffa and I had great conversation and things were chill. Then the Skully commented that we should kiss already (which we didn't but flipped him off instead).

Later on, the alcohol may have told him that I was interested and if talking to his friend's ex weirded him out. His reply nope. But, I learned that he was breaking things off with a girl he had been seeing for the past 2 months because he's planning to leave London soon and it wouldn't be fair for her. So baggage and him leaving is a huge factor right there. We caught the last train together and it ended up stopping one stop short of my neighborhood so we had to walk a ways. I remember claiming that I had to pee and luckily we walked up to a bushy area. Needless to say, I peed on one side and he peed on the other. Do you know what that means? We could HEAR each other! (I didn't not remember this bit of info until I had flashbacks on Sunday morning). Mortification!

I remember us laughing the whole way home. In true retardedness, I said well I guess I'll never see you again when he dropped me off at my door. He replied that him and his friend's were going to the restaurant (where we all went a couple weeks ago) on Monday. He said that he would email me on Monday and I told him he wouldn't. We pecked on the lips a couple of times and I told him to prove me wrong. Yeah he didn't...I guess he meant next Monday - because I didn't receive anything.

Saffa and our mutual friend (she actually wanted to set us up in December) are going to dinner on Thursday and I can't wait for her to tell me his version of what happened. I rehashed everything for her at lunch today. Answering the call of nature in the bushes was pretty random and out of control though. At least it makes for a good cringe worthy story!

I don't feel anything one way or the other...I just wish people would stop telling me what they think I want to hear and then not follow through (even if they think I'm too drunk to remember).

Let's go to the Maul

How do I control myself tomorrow night when all I want to do is throw the kid on the grown and make out? We're taking things slow but seriously....my hormones are RAGING! And the way we looked at each other all week has something to do with it as well. We're going to watch the jazz band play again...or attempt to anyway. I might drag him into a dark alley and have my wicked way with him!

*I'm not talking about doing the deed. Just making out.

The Spaz who kept learning something (everyday)

I'm such a bad blogger friend. Golightly tagged me a while back and I have slight ADD and totally forgot about it....anywho better late than never.

So....Make up your own 6 word memoir title.
1. Write the title to your own memoir using 6 words. (Totally cheated with the parenthesis)
2. Post it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who tagged you. (I'm being lazy but she's under "Good Stuff" on the right - check her out!)
4. Tag 5 more blogs - you're all it! :)

I just finished The Alchemist via audio books on my ipod last night. I had read the book several years ago but I downloaded it and over the last week I've been listening to it before I go to bed as an adult bedtime story. It has so many life lessons and the main one is to just go with the journey. Something I always need reminding of everyday.

So I'm going with life and it happens to be taking me to the beaches of the south of France tomorrow with my buddies Blake, Harris and Prissy in what is guaranteed to be a work-on-my-tan-work-then-my-alcohol-tolerance-and-repeat sort of weekend!

Redemption Song

Mr. Bean called this morning to apologize for not making my party. It seems he had to go to Norway for work last week and got in really really late on Friday. Granted, he could have TOTALLY just sent me an email to apologize but the fact that he called is good, right?

I was slightly caught off guard and was like no worries you were missed but it was a lot of fun with lots of peeps there which is always fun blah blah and he was like that's a shame I missed it and I was like well we should grab a drink since we're neighbors (no clue what came over me!) and he was like yeah definitely and a hole bunch of awkward yeahs and then I was like well I'll see you soon. Ahhhhhhhh. So we'll see... but ball is definitely in his court because hello I've thrown it out several several times so he will HAVE to make the next move.

Did I happen to mention that I moved floors and there is a cutie? No clue what his name is but I intend to find out!

Wanted: Equalization Factor

Last night's party was a blast. We had about 40 peeps in our flat and the alcohol was flowing. We now also have left overs so I see another party in our future as well!

I've found that I like having crushes...it's when the reality of the crush comes to fruition that is a bit of a let down.

So Crush #2 came to my party like he said he would...we chatted. We flirted. But the equalization factor just wasn't there. Like I know all about his recent holiday but he knows nothing about mine type of thing. And we are both invited to a party in a couple of weeks and he wasn't sure if he was going because he has to wake up and bike 80 miles with a friend but I was like you should come for just a drink or two and then get a good night's sleep. He said he would think about it. I might have mentioned this more than once. Oops...booze babble! Also, my "wing woman" might have been a little to obvious in trying to get dirt from him. I now know that he's lived with a girl before and the breakup "was very painful" and that he's 28. But regardless of being slightly obvious that I was interested, it shouldn't be that hard, you know? And I baited him with "I never see you except every so often in the lobby" No dice. No we should meet up for tea or lunch. Nada. "When he was leaving he was like "I'll make sure to stop and chat with you in the lobby" and I was like "If you're lucky". Snark! So he's out I would say. Plus my friends said Crush #2 was a little boring and that I need someone fun like me. I also had a dream last night that he wouldn't date me because I'm American and our childrens wouldn't be "purebreeds." I'm still feeling blah and eh about it. But you know what, if someone can't see what a flipping catch I am, then they just aren't worth it.

And can I just tell you that Mr. Bean, who emailed me right when I sent out the email invitation that he was marking his calendar, didn't show. At. All. WTF? He might have been embarrassed because last week when I saw him he was like Friday right? And I was like oh no it's next Friday...maybe he didn't want to seem too eager beaver. Or maybe he's just not that interested. I think/know it's the latter. And again, that's fine because it really shouldn't be that hard.

I'm looking for effortless, easy flowing, no drama or games. Someone equally intersted in me as I am of them. Balance.

Unfortunately, a guy that I was actually meshing with and on the same wavelength has a girlfriend, that I work with. He also works at our company too. Tricky. Obviously, I'm not doing anything about that. But if things are meant to be, they will be. Right?

All and all, I had sooooo much fun with my friends and I think everyone had a good time!

*PS. The Shadow was of course the first person to arrive at 7.10pm and I was able to chat with him before hand so as to not have him follow me around which he gladly didn't! And Harris, who I'm going to France with next weekend to meet up with Blake, was like we should get on The Shadow's boat next week, who's going to be in the South of France at the same time. I shot him a not on your flipping life look. Harris later said he was strange! Phew! The Shadow did, however, email me through facebook to say what a great party it was and to thank me for his invite...wtf?
Update: After rehashing last night with friends, they told me that the Shadow kept talking about going to our town to meet up so I decided to stop it once and for all. I don't need to be stressed that he's going to impose on my vacation that I plan on enjoying with my close friends.

Shadow,
Glad you had fun at the party and could make it.
About France...I heard you were planning on coming to our town next weekend on your boat? Honestly, Prissy, Harris and I will be using next weekend to catch up with Blake since we haven't seen him in ages and will NOT be able to meet up with you. Not sure when you are leaving for France but have a good trip.
Texas

Harsh? Maybe. Needed? Absolutely!

From the Shadow:
Just to clear it up I didn't say i would be heading up to your town, I only said to Harris that it was a shame you chaps were not there a little longer so we could sort out meeting up for a drink or a boat trip. Apologies for any confusion, any how hope you have an excellent trip.
Best wishes,
The Shadow
Finally signed without the xXx. Yes!

Time...it flys

Wow...I didn't realize how long it was since I last posted. I guess I've been busy but not sure what I've been doing.

Anyway, the big flat warming party is on Friday and I can't wait to get my flirt on! Crush #2 has now moved to the Crush #1 spot and hopefully by the end of the night he will have his much deserved nickname and stick around in this little story! Mr. Bean is still in the running but I'm digging #2 more these days... (my friend saw his friend give Crush #2 a chin/head nod when I entered the diner last week - it's the little things people)!

I think I have the Shadow thing under control and one of my friend's has offered to do damage control when he tries to get up in my Kool Aid.

Hope all is well in your worlds and I know I'll have plenty to report after the party and pics of the new place - promise!

Nosey

I'm back and right in the thick of getting back in the groove of work (boo!) but I promise to write soon about my travels (complete with pics and antics).

Honestly, I'm still recovering from Sunday when I managed to open my bedroom door INTO my nose...you know the one I just got operated on...before heading to the Goo Goo Dolls, Ben Harper and Counting Crows concerts at the O2 Festival - which were all awesome by the way. I did, however, look like Marsha Brady for a second and thought that I had effed everything up but it's slowly getting back to normal (or as normal as it was before the clumsiness)!

Also, seems that the Shadow still has NOT gotten the hint that I'm not interested in him, no matter how many times I do not reply back to his gazillion emails. He messaged me through Facebook (I would normally just delete him but we work together and it would be AWKWARD)while I was gone to say he hoped I had a good holiday and a happy 4th. Just creepy to know he was thinking about me so early in the morning and remembering my American holiday. So I didn't respond and decided it was time to add "Nate" as a friend for the Shadow to see and hopefully back off - he still comes by my desk for awkward conversations. Monday I found out that Crush #2 is now on his project and sitting right by him. I just hope the Shadow doesn't tell him I have a boyfriend and ruin my chances (whatever they may or may not be)!

My fake boyfriend's hot, no? :)

*Thanks to Mandy for editing out the Polo Ralph Lauren logo in the background...yeah he's also a model.

Bella

I'm off to Italia...super excited about sun, fun and loads of wine! I'll be back in a little over a week to tell you all about it.

Remind me to tell you of THE HOTTEST guy I've ever seen at Wimbledon last night. I wanted to jump on him right there and then. My friends and I were drooling. For serious.

Arrivederci!

Sightings of the Third Kind

I've been back a week and hadn't had a Work Crush #2 sighting until yesterday. We were at the same restaurant for lunch with our own work colleagues. My friends and I were ordering ours to go so I chatted with him while we waited. The conversation was good and somewhat flirty. It just so happens that The Shadow was also dining there and got a table with his friends next to #2. My friends and I left and I said a platonic goodbye to The Shadow and then a flirtier goodbye to #2 before leaving. I can only imagine if #2 (on the off chance) said anything to his friends about me that The Shadow would pipe up and tell him I had a "boyfriend".

______________________________________________________

Last night, I met my friend Amran for drinks and dinner in Notting Hill. He's moving back to Australia soon and is having a leaving party in a couple of weeks but wanted to have some friend time with him before he leaves. He gave me a warning that Skully (they are now friends) and his girlfriend would probably be at his party and that he didn't want any drama. I told him there wouldn't be any drama from my side as I was totally over Skully. Just as long as the "psycho" (as described by Skully) girlfriend didn't do anything, the night would be cool. Not an hour after saying these words, who do we bump into on Portobello Road? The girlfriend. And I have a feeling she totally knew who I was when Amran introduced us: Texas. Blonde. American accent. Work mate of Amran's (and Skully's). It doesn't take a rocket scientist. After leaving her, Amran agreed that she seemed a bit flustered. She did seem very normal and actually nice and I don't think there will be any drama unless Skully stirs it up in which I will not be participating.

______________________________________________________

At lunch today, we went to grab a sandwich from the local bakery and I saw Mr. Bean out of the corner of my eye. I calmed my blood pressure down and as we were walking out I said hi to him and asked what project he was on since I hadn't seen him around. He told me and then what floor in my building. I'm so relieved because I thought he had moved to the other building where I would never see him but now I have greater chances of bumping into him. My friend thought he was hot and asked who I would choose between him and #2 (who is also hot).

I'm just lucky I have the option to potentially, maybe make that choice. :) Being single does have its advantages!!!

Embarrasing moment: While walking to the bakery, my friend was giving a detailed account, if not way too much information even for me, about her sex life. I proclaimed rather loudly that "I hadn't had sex in forever" thinking that no one was around. Just then a guy that sits on my floor passed us and I can now no longer look in his direction. Mortified!

Can I just tell you...

• Wearing a thong for the first time in 3 weeks is brutal...especially when you're in "healing" mode. But panty lines are a no go when working with dirty old men.
• Dodging the Shadow proved to be somewhat successful. I think I'm in Phase Out 2. While I did get the morning email today (which I did not respond to), he asked me later (when he stopped by my desk for the 10th time) what I was doing this weekend and I told him hanging out with Nate (I'm not). Hopefully he's starting to get it already.
• I've had cramps all day and not those kind of cramps. More of the Mirolax kind. My doctor put me on a little regime to keep me regular but it seems I took too much today. Oops. Need to dial it down.
• I got this little gem while I was home and my feet are uber soft, which is a huge fete (no pun intended, really!) especially in the summer months. Freaking genius!
• My boss is hilarious. In his manager's meeting today he told everyone, "Texas had a successful surgery and would now like to be called George". This is all day people!
• I'm feeling good about life in general.
  
  Things are grand! :)

The Works

I'm back in London after voluntarily torturing myself for the past 2 weeks. It went something like this (note: too much information definitley shared):

May 15th, Thursday - I had my deviated septum surgery and everything went fine until I woke up from the anesthesia and my world was spinning. Needless to say I threw up the blood that had pooled in my stomach during the operation and didn't think I could make it getting into a moving car to go home. I sat in the recovery room for an hour and the nurse then wheeled me to my mom's car. I had to get out of the chair and walk to keep from vomiting more. The nurse kept apologizing for the "movement". She said that word one too many times and I said "I'm sorry, but you're going to have to not say that word anymore" since I was definitely feeling the flipping movement.

I wasn't in any pain, only very uncomfortable and couldn't breathe since there were splints in my nose...this continued for a week before I got them out. I had some bleeding from my nose as well but just kept a tissue handy to wipe it up. I had to take antibiotics the size of horse pills and this then lead to a raging yeast infection. I didn't think things could get much worse down there until my monthly visitor decided to make an early appearance. Awesome!

I kept a low profile during the weekend except for a trip for Mexican food with my old roommate and her fiance with my blood catcher taped under my nose...so cute. Other than that, I felt extremely light headed and stayed indoors.

Tuesday, I had an appointment with the butt doctor. A little back story (no pun intended!), I'm a "strainer" so instead of having an internal roid, I instead had an external roid that was the vain of my existence. Very painful and so I got it removed. The doctor initially walked in with his hot doctor son but quickly exited and came back with a female nurse. Can you imagine spreading my cheeks in front of hot doctor son?!?

Holy mother effer! If that wasn't the worst pain I've ever experienced! I called my mom to tell her I was now bleeding from every orifice! Lovely.

This procedure caused me to walk extremely slowly and I was very cautious of how I sat. I won't even tell you that every time I had to drop the kids off at the pool, I had to brace myself for the pain. Oh the pain. It's now healing nicely, thankfully, and I don't feel like I'm shatting knives.

Wednesday, I shuffled into the dermatologist office to get a few moles removed. He decided to take off 2 extra ones that he was concerned about. This irked me more than it was painful. Just the thought of having 4 sliced off skin areas gave me chills.

I asked him if there was a cream for under eye circles, to which he examined my face with those magnifying glasses and proclaimed I had "lots of wrinkles". WTF? I get mistaken for a 23 year old all the time.

Earlier that day I got my splints removed from my nose which finally let me breathe through my nose instead of being the mouth breather I was for the week. Holy hell those splints were long and HUGE...no wonder I couldn't breathe!

Thursday, I had to sit in the car, with all of the above problems, for 5 hours to go to Louisiana to visit my grandparents. My parents dropped me off in Baton Rouge while they went to New Orleans for a couple of days for a wine festival. Bastards! :)

I was stuck with my 80 year-old grandfather (whom is one of the funniest people I know but was in a bad mood because he had surgery a week before on his heel and was hopping around the house on one foot) and my blunt grandmother. An example of her bluntness: We were shopping and ran into some of her friends. One of them was looking at a pair of pants and my grandmother asked if she was going to try them on and the lady said they didn't have her size. My grandmother picked up an XL and said it would fit her. The lady protested and my grandmother looked her up and down and said she thought they would fit...since they ran small -great save grandma. I was mortified. Luckily she thought I was "tiny" this trip and was force feeding me.

My parents and I came back after the long weekend and I was finally starting to feel much better.

I met up with my best friend for shopping and sushi on Tuesday and did way too much damage!

Wednesday, I went to the dentist (family friend - my mom's best friend's son-in-law) for a cleaning and a filling. I always get the nitrous oxide and for some reason with his stuff I get effed up. He had asked me about a project in Australia that I could some day get on at work before giving me the goods. Five minutes into the gas, I was in the flipping Outback. After a while on that stuff, I started to get nauseous and took the mask off my face. The rest of the day I was out of commission with dizziness. Next time, I'll tell him not to crank it up. Oops. My mouth was so numb 12 hours later. I hate that feeling!

Thursday, I went to my family doctor that I've been going to since I was 7. She hooked me up with my Xanax and called me a junkie.

That night I got my friends together for happy hour at a local bar in midtown since I hadn't seen them all 2 weeks. I loved hanging out and catching up my peeps but I'm super glad about my decision to stay in London. I'm not invisible here. I can't explain it but that's how I feel when I go out there.

Friday, I got a Brazilian wax and told her not to wax the back door like she normally does. Oh the pain that would have caused! Then, like a dumbass, I drove around Houston with the sunroof open to get some sun before I left -my flight wasn't until 10.30pm. (I could have had a killer tan but I felt like crap so I didn't lay out like I wanted over the 2 weeks home). I ended up with my right shoulder and arm burnt to a crisp. So sexy...a one-sided tan.

Then I hopped on the plane (read: passed the eff out and don't even remember take off -thanks Xanax!) and came back to Londontown. I'm looking forward to being back in the office...well sort of... and not working from home anymore...as much as I thought I would like that. I felt so unorganized and out of the loop with my colleagues being 6 hours ahead.

I'm excited about starting my "new and improved" life!

(I got all of my "treatments" done on US insurance before I'm officially on UK insurance July 1st).

Anything goes

I met up with Harris on Saturday for some aquarium adventures and we had a good time looking at fish. We decided afterwards to grab a drink at a boat pub on the Thames since it was so nice out.

Mistake #1: Drinking on only a 6-inch Subway veggie pattie after going to the gym.

The conversation flowed like I knew it would and after my pint of Bulmers (delicious, highly potent cider), we headed to Chinatown for some much needed food.

Mistake #2: Trying to eat to soak up said alcohol while consuming half a bottle of wine does not help your situation and it makes the drunkenness much worse.

We chatted about who we are talking to/dating. I told him about Nate and his "problem" and he told me about how he's talking to his ex-girlfriend (she's back in Philly) but they are different religions so it's a problem for him. He said Nate's problem had nothing to do with me which was nice to hear.

Mistake #3: Deciding to go to yet another pub for more alcohol.

We talked about our hook up on my birthday. And the sexual tension continued. Innuendos flying left and right. Flirtiness. Highly inappropriate.

Mistake #4: Dancing.

We both love to dance and are actually move great together. This created a problem since the dancing was very suggestive. Hands were all over the place and we decided before things got more naughty to go back to my place. I should tell you that the tube stops running at 12.30 and since we had started drinking at 5pm, it was only 10.30pm when we went back to my place. Pathetic!

So clothes came off and things happened...not of the sexual nature (oral or otherwise) but you know...things. We both passed out and then like last time he was up at the butt crack of dawn putting his clothes on and getting the heck out of dodge. We had plans to go to the British Museum Sunday afternoon and decided we still should go.

So I took a nap and met him at 3pm at the Museum. Some slight awkwardness but we both knew that it wasn't going to work and that we should be friends. So we had a great day at the Museum and then shared a bottle of wine and sushi plus other drinks before parting ways. Things are fine and I might even see him this weekend for Karaoke but I'm past the random hook ups. I missed being held and having someone look into my eyes. I missed Nate.

*I should note that I hadn't spoken (read: texted) with Nate since Thursday so I sent him a friendly WTF? text from the last bar on Saturday night. Needless to say he was very confused and things went back and forth with him saying he was catching up with old friends and that it wouldn't be polite for him to be on the phone all the time and that he would talk to me the next day. I texted back Fine and then took Harris back to my place.

I feel bad about it but whatever we aren't exclusive so it's not like I cheated. Anyway, Nate texted me Sunday morning to see how my head was feeling after my day/night of drinking. I texted him back and told him I was sorry the alcohol got way ahead of me and that I totally understood about not texting while catching up with friends. I told him to enjoy the rest his trip and that I'd talk to him when he got back to London. We'll see if that happens. When I told Mandy the story, she said that I let the crazy out too soon but we both agreed I redeemed myself with the nonchalant text back.

Things are just messed up right now because I go home in a week for 2 1/2 weeks and I don't know how things are going to progress when he only likes texting and my UK cell phone will be out of commission.

I know I'm overanalyzing and freaking out but I can't help it, it's part of my nature!

I'm going to meet friends at the river again to enjoy Cinco de Mayo aka 1st Bank Holiday in May...because you know I need ANOTHER drink. Must start detox and diet tomorrow!

Things. Just. Got. Interesting.

I have two "dates" with Harris this weekend. I thought we would just hang out on Saturday but it seems he can't get enough. I kid! We're going to the British Museum one day and then the Aquarium the next and I'm sure pub crawling in between. All at his suggestion.

Interesting...

Isn't it Ironic

Nate and I just had another marathon date and it was good if not ironic.

Earlier in the week, he suggested we go to a show on Saturday night and asked which one I was interested in seeing. I said Avenue Q...I was supposed to go with Kanger way back when and that of course feel through. So I figured, with the encouragement of Mandy, to make new memories with Nate.

The show was fantastic and when it let out at 11pm, we decided to hit up O'Neills in Leicester Square since it stays open late night. We were about to walk in the bar when we randomly decided we should go to the Walkabout instead. (Full of Nate's fellow Kiwi's and Australians).

Who do I run into right when we walk in? Kanger. Waiting by the women's restroom, obviously for someone. It was surreal. Like everything was in slow motion. The face you've been searching in crowds, bars, on the tube for the past nine months is standing right in front of you and it takes awhile to finally focus and realize it was indeed the face and not your imagination.

We said hi to each other and it's pretty fuzzy what else was said. How are you? Lots of awkwardness - we were both very aware that the door to the restroom could have opened at any minute to reveal Kanger's newest conquest and he, I'm sure was fearful of the drama that could potentially arise from me. A Kanger and Nate introduction (Nate looked hot with his 2 day five o'clock shadow and button down shirt...I think they had the same shirt on!) and then a "well it was good seeing you" pleasantry from me before I exited stage right with Nate in tow. I was a little too sober for that encounter (read: shaking like a leaf) and needed a stiff drink. I don't think the exchange was too obvious because Nate didn't even ask me how I knew Kanger.

I later located him and his friends while Nate and I were dancing and the mystery girl he was waiting for. So not cute. And I'm 100% sure, has NO clue about the daughter in Australia and the baby mama drama. Bless her heart. (I saw them leave together so I'm pretty sure it's not just his friend).

I don't know. I thought seeing him again was going to be different. (At least I was looking good in a low cut black top, grey mini and black high boots with pattern tights.) Like my heart would be all pinning. But no feelings. Just, huh. I think things would have been different if Nate wouldn't have been at my side. But the calls that happened 3 weeks ago couldn't be discussed and that hung in the air like a thick cloud. But I'm over it. And seeing him actually made me appreciate being with Nate more. Someone who actually wants to spend time with me and get to know me and wants to hold me and not just at arms length.

Isn't that....different?

Nate and I met early for dinner (sushi) and drinks before seeing 21 on Friday. The conversation flowed more freely this time. I learned that his middle brother died 6 years ago from drowning and his dad died 13 years ago...not sure what from because I didn't want to pry. But it was all very endearing and I felt for him.

Since it was still early after the movie, we decided to grab drinks. We chatted for a very long time until the pub closed and we were kicked out. We got on the street and started kissing so I decided he should come over but no funny stuff.

So funny stuff did happen (no form of sex what so ever) but how do I put this...there was definite performance anxiety on his part. He seemed all into it and then when I would wonder down to the family jewels (with a turtleneck)...there was nothing. Like I could feel it but then once I started to do my magic...S.O.F.T. Um this has never happened to me before. He said he was nervous and that the drinks were contributing. Okay I've heard this about finishing but not even getting there. What? He also said I wasn't "familiar" to him yet. (?) I was cool about it and said it was no big deal and that time would help things...of course I tried to work the magic 2 more times and nothing.

Needless to say, we laid around in my bed (naked) until 3pm Saturday just kissing, caressing, talking and laying on each other. That part was really good and he made me feel really great. We texted yesterday (hate that!) but hopefully I'll see him this weekend.

But seriously, if anyone has been in this situation before please let me know tips, advice, etc.!!!!

Solidification

So I'm tanked from my date with Nate. I thought it would be fairly sober but it wasnt't... and it was fun but i can't help but thinking what i did on Saturday night that you guys would sooooooo not approve of. So after mugging down on the balcony of Kiwi's place, I said my goodbyes and came home but looked up a certain number that i hadn't called in a very long time and happened to speak to for an hour. Alot of things triggered me to call him and the conversation went something like this:
"I look for you every where"
"You're a liar, you're not going back to Oz anytime soon...wtf?"
"Is it really you? I'm disgusting (from Monica from Friends when they find a nude photo of her and she says 'I'm Monica, I'm disgusting' yeah, I kept saying I'm disgusting which he totally didn't get. I was disgusting because I totally made out with someone 20 minutes before hand and then called him..."I'm disgusting.... "
"I want to see you again....Do you want to see me?"
To which he responded, "Yeah, I want to see the new Gucci bag" (at his old company he could have gotten me a discount)....I told him since he works for [Posh Department Store] he would have to get me a discount on the matching wallet. WTF?
"Don't blow smoke up my ass and tell me you're going to call...if you're not going to call just say it" to which he said "i'm going to call you this week....promise".

I am disgusting. I've been drinking with Nate since 2pm (it's 9pm now) and I'm wasted.

I've been on egg shells since my phone call with Kanger and giddy and breaking into hysterics becuase it was so ridiculous then Wednesday came around and his promise of calling me during the week was not around so I went into depression...but I also had Nate texting me and was otherwise distracted..I can't make someone hang out with me. Even if technically I'm secretly in love with him and don't know what to do.... it's somewhat insane...but that's just me.... i just made out with Nate at the bar and we went our seperate ways.... but i miss kanger ahhhhhhhhhhh.....

so i just called kanger from getting his number from my yahoo folder and some chick answered...(he's not dating anyone because in the hour that he filled me in on everything at 3am last saturday, he made the mistake of telling me this information)...so i hung up and texted..."are you 12? having you're friends answer...i've been drinking since 2pm on a date....and you can't give me 2 point 2? am i that awful?" and nothing folks. *UPDATE (He texted back at 1.30am _ "not sure what you mean by your text. hope you had fun on your date." WTF? it woke me up and i tried to call to redeem myself not crazy...ironic, eh? but no answer of course... do I write back to that? Mandy says no but if I absolutely must to write "I won't bother you again") thus he is 12 with a 5 year old daughter and i don't know why i do this to myself but i did. i've now erased his number in my hidden yahoo.com account folder and but am now back to the psycho that i was last august. i'm feeling sooooo good about myself. the only thing that is saving me is memories of this evening with Nate being hoisted on a post and wrapping my legs around him to kiss him (nothing else happened), only to be totally caught by the people that live in the flat we were making out in front of. i'm glad he went to his mate's party...but i so didn't need to come home and do this. ...what the eff is wrong with me???

To market, to market...

"So who are you dating now?", Kiwi asked in a sing-song voice as he ushered me into his engagement party.
"No one at the moment. I gave up boys for lent so I'm just now back on the market, so to speak", I said shrugging.
"Well that'll change after tonight. I've got heaps of my mates coming round and they're all mostly single."

And so I went from only knowing Kiwi and his fiancé at the party to kissing one of his university mates (whom I actually had met in October) on the balcony of the party's flat. Classy, I know. Kissing bandit was in full force due to the champagne.

I said goodbye to Nate when I stuffed myself into a cab at 3am and have now been texting with him all day.

And thus the confusing world of dating or pseudo dating via text messaging begins.

UPDATE: Have a date with Nate on Friday afternoon. He's a busy boy (which I like-guys having their own friends is a huge turn on - unlike Skully who knew a handful of people in London, mostly attributed to his personality and poor attitude) but we both work half days on Fridays so we're meeting up then. Of course all planned via text. Argh!

What's the craic?

Dublin was awesome! I loved Ireland and hope to go back soon to be able to do actual sightseeing. This trip was mainly St. Paddy's/my friend's birthday celebrations complete with getting green smeared all over my face from a certain Dutch boy that had a shamrock painted on his cheek. We danced the night away while I kept dodging his kissing advances. Don't worry, no kisses were shelled out but I think I'm still scrubbing the paint off! :) I highly recommend Cafe de Seine and The Porterhouse - both play excellent music!

I'm off to Houston tomorrow for the weekend (well until Tuesday). Thought I'd take advantage of having tomorrow and Monday off here. Should be a good and hopefully relaxing this time.

Have a great holiday weekend!

I leave you with some pics from the parade...