I think I'm in for some T.R.O.U.B.L.E

I've been rather flirty via email and in person with a certain older gentleman (COG) that works with me. I can't figure out his age - I'm guessing around 38 at the oldest although could be way off. He arranged a night out for his department and invited me to join this Thursday. He also borrowed my umbrella during lunch today and held it hostage until I agreed to these terms:

1 You have to wear a skirt/dress on Thursday. (post explaining this to follow)
2 You have to look after me in the city of London and make sure that I’m not accosted.
3 You have to drink the same drinks that I drink (on the hour will be a drink of choice).
4 I get to have the first dance with you if we go to a club…….but you can’t stand on my toes.
5 Should the need arise you have to make me breakfast in the morning……..(not beans on toast though).
6 You have to teach me to talk ‘Texan’ in case the movie Dallas ever gets to the production line.

You have 30 mins to reply or the brelly gets it.

Can we say WTF to Number 5??? Oh. Dear.

My name is TC and I'm a DUMBASS

I called my landlord today to tell him that my boiler is leaking and that my washer and dryer are not working. He answered but seemed really distracted and asked for me to call him back in 5 minutes. I agreed and hung up and thought that was soooo rude - If you can’t talk then don’t flipping answer.

I let 20 minutes go by and I called him back and started talking again about my washer/dryer etc. There were some more pauses and then he started talking and I hang up because I realized that I was not talking to Niall "The Landlord", but Niall "The 23 Year Old" whom I haven’t spoken to since early March!!!!!!

He called back and I was laughing at my stupidity and told him my landlord's name is Niall and I thought I was talking to him and that I was soo sorry. He seemed to think it was pretty funny as well. We chatted for a bit then I let him go back to work since it was 9:30am. Before we hung up, I told him we should catch up sometime. We shall see.

I called my real landlord finally and the problems are fixed! And to make matters more absurd, a week ago I put in my phonebook Landlord Niall to avoid this ordeal and without thinking called Niall thinking it was the Landlord.

They have now been changed to NIALL and NIALL - LANDLORD.

Only in England

Can you go to the pub for 2 hours on a work day, drink ridiculous amounts of Bacardi and Diet Coke and then receive this email after everyone returns back to their desks:

From: Drunk Boss
To: TC
CC: Male Coworker 1, Male Coworker 2, Kiwi, Metro
Re: Pub

Can you please report back to the Kingford Arms – you have an audition for the pole dancers position for this evening.

Not inappropriate. At. All.

Tag team back again...

Kat tagged me to share 10 things you don't know about me but I think I]ll play by her rules and tell you 10 things that are going on with me right now (especially since the boy situation is somewhat lacking as of late):

-I'm flying to Paris tomorrow afternoon to spend quality time with my favorite grandparents who will be there for a week before going onto Russia. They had my mom when they were really young so they don't smell like Bengay or play bingo. My grandfather has to be the funniest person I know. I teach him inappropriate sayings, ie "It's hot as balls in here", "I've got to go pinch a loaf" etc. You know basic potty humor that we think is hilarious!

-My grandmother speaks French and I'm super stoked to be able to get around Paris without being insanely frustrated (at myself) with the language barrier. I somehow always manage to answer them in Spanish at least once.

-I get back from Paris on Monday afternoon and then two days later my best friend CW from Boston and her sister are coming to visit! So excited. Plus CW is 3 months preggers and I can't wait to see her baby glow. She's still keen to hitting the pubs so I'm also excited to have some new wing women to help with my missing mojo! These girls are gorgeous!

-I'm moving into a new flat next Saturday and I'm soooo excited! It's pretty pimp and newly renovated in a great location. CW is going to stand guard of my crap on the street since she can't lift anything while I drag up my shit to the 3rd floor-only bad thing about it but I figure if I could live in a 5th floor walkup in NYC, I can do it here. Plus I won't have to take my laundry down all of those flights of stairs like before because I have a washer and dryer in my place. Sweet!

-I've been reading "The Secret" over and over again and listening to daily affirmations from "You can heal your life" to try to turn my life around. I'm slowly but surely weeding out my negativity and self doubt and things are looking up.

-Part of the process is forgiving people in your life and just yesterday Gianluca and I had a nice chat online. He asked how London was and I told him I was really happy to which he replied that I deserve to be happy. Damn straight!

-I haven't heard from Kanger since our emails last week and I'm okay with that. I know that I will hear from him/see him sometime in the future. The old me planner in me would rationalize exactly when I should expect to hear from him but I'm done with expectations. They only bring disappointment and that is negative. So I know that he will be back in my life as a friend but it's up to the Universe to put it in action. Plus the night I met him his friend Watto was flipping hilarious and I remember thinking I wish I would have talked to him instead. So I would love to hang out with him and his friends again.

-My family friend KS and her husband are moving here and I'm super pumped. KS used to babysit me while our parents went out on the town..although we figured it out and she's only 2 years older than me...was she really that mature? We lived in NYC at the same time so it will be great to have a "family member" across the pond permanently!

-My cousin was here this past week on business. We work for the same company so my coworker/friend HM was able to meet the infamous "attorney" and see first hand of the brutality. He's a great guy and very genuine but a complete and total pansy. I went to get him at the hotel for lunch on Sunday and we started walking to the restaurant and he was like "TC don't walk so fast I'm really run down". Insert eye roll here. And to top it ALL off he lost his voice because his sinus's weren't draining. WTF? And I've never met anyone so full of themselves. At one point he pulled out his blackberry and laid it on the table. After a moment of silence, I was like did you get a text or an email? Nope...he just took it out so that he could show me that he had one...like I've never seen one before. Brutal. He also said he would buy my car (which I'm selling if anyone is interested!) if he didn't have "The Porsche" - from the year 1987 and has holey leather seats. He says "The Porsche" like he's driving a brand spanking new one.

-Today I went to Bliss for my redo for my inverted Brazilian. Chick hurt like a biotch but was so needed to ummm equal everything out. She was stumped by what the previous girl "did" to me! Total cost of debauchery and recovery: $180 Yikes. Oh yes and I totally am going on a budget when I move. I would like to save money while here (purpose of living abroad) not spending every cent.

Sorry so long...thanks Kat for giving me a swift kick in the arse.

Have a great weekend!

Indian Sunburn

In an effort to save money in this land of everything made out of GOLD, I tried a new waxing salon. Needless to say, I am now the proud owner of an inverted Brazilian wax. As you know, a true Brazilian is party on the top, business on the bottom, however in my present state it's now business on the top, party still on the bottom. WTF?

I was too pissed and shocked that the waxer didn't get the memo on how to actually do her job that I didn't say anything. The whole experience in itself was like getting an Indian Sunburn- down there - complete with the type of roll on wax you pop in the microwave when you do it yourself. EXCRUCIATING!

I should have trusted my intuition when I couldn't find the salon to begin with and ended up being half an hour late for my appointment. Most salons would have told you that you would need to rebook, but each time I called the receptionist for directions she told me that they would see me when I got there which equals NO CLIENTS because they are terrible!

Totally have learned my lesson and am now more than willing to pay for quality waxing done the right way. I have to spend even more for a "re-do"!

Catch up Smatch up

The past few weekends have proved that I've officially lost my mojo. My friends and I have gone to our local pub- the pub where I met Kanger and Niall. But no dice. Not a single bite whatsoever. And to top it all off, I can't stop thinking of Kanger. He's back from his trip to Turkey and like a good friend, I sent him a quick email to see how it went. He replied that it was good and asked how I was. I brought him up to speed and threw in the "We should catch up about your trip soon" card WAY to early.

Silence and crickets.

I know I brought it on myself but tonight, Kanger is on his way back to Australia (in my mind, of course). He's out of town this weekend. I'm out of town next weekend and my friend from Boston comes in town for the following one, making our tennis session postponed in evidently. The over-analyzing is getting me down and taking over my head. So not healthy.
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I have a busy weekend ahead luckily. Cinco de Mayo celebrations in London should be fun. My cousin is coming in town on Sunday and hanging out (hopefully) in the sunshine on Monday.
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I just got an extension to be in London for 6 more months! Which is awesome news! I will be able to move into a real life flat which I'm super happy about. (Right now I'm in a flat/hotel type place-nice but I want to put my own personal touch).
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I had an oops moment earlier when I was cleaning out my sent messages and accidentally re-sent my brush off text to the English dude with the 16 year-old daughter. Karma isn't going to come and get me right? It was such an accident. I stood there in bewilderment when I realized what was happening...wishing for a recall button on my phone. Ahhhhh!