Isn't it Ironic

Nate and I just had another marathon date and it was good if not ironic.

Earlier in the week, he suggested we go to a show on Saturday night and asked which one I was interested in seeing. I said Avenue Q...I was supposed to go with Kanger way back when and that of course feel through. So I figured, with the encouragement of Mandy, to make new memories with Nate.

The show was fantastic and when it let out at 11pm, we decided to hit up O'Neills in Leicester Square since it stays open late night. We were about to walk in the bar when we randomly decided we should go to the Walkabout instead. (Full of Nate's fellow Kiwi's and Australians).

Who do I run into right when we walk in? Kanger. Waiting by the women's restroom, obviously for someone. It was surreal. Like everything was in slow motion. The face you've been searching in crowds, bars, on the tube for the past nine months is standing right in front of you and it takes awhile to finally focus and realize it was indeed the face and not your imagination.

We said hi to each other and it's pretty fuzzy what else was said. How are you? Lots of awkwardness - we were both very aware that the door to the restroom could have opened at any minute to reveal Kanger's newest conquest and he, I'm sure was fearful of the drama that could potentially arise from me. A Kanger and Nate introduction (Nate looked hot with his 2 day five o'clock shadow and button down shirt...I think they had the same shirt on!) and then a "well it was good seeing you" pleasantry from me before I exited stage right with Nate in tow. I was a little too sober for that encounter (read: shaking like a leaf) and needed a stiff drink. I don't think the exchange was too obvious because Nate didn't even ask me how I knew Kanger.

I later located him and his friends while Nate and I were dancing and the mystery girl he was waiting for. So not cute. And I'm 100% sure, has NO clue about the daughter in Australia and the baby mama drama. Bless her heart. (I saw them leave together so I'm pretty sure it's not just his friend).

I don't know. I thought seeing him again was going to be different. (At least I was looking good in a low cut black top, grey mini and black high boots with pattern tights.) Like my heart would be all pinning. But no feelings. Just, huh. I think things would have been different if Nate wouldn't have been at my side. But the calls that happened 3 weeks ago couldn't be discussed and that hung in the air like a thick cloud. But I'm over it. And seeing him actually made me appreciate being with Nate more. Someone who actually wants to spend time with me and get to know me and wants to hold me and not just at arms length.

Isn't that....different?

Nate and I met early for dinner (sushi) and drinks before seeing 21 on Friday. The conversation flowed more freely this time. I learned that his middle brother died 6 years ago from drowning and his dad died 13 years ago...not sure what from because I didn't want to pry. But it was all very endearing and I felt for him.

Since it was still early after the movie, we decided to grab drinks. We chatted for a very long time until the pub closed and we were kicked out. We got on the street and started kissing so I decided he should come over but no funny stuff.

So funny stuff did happen (no form of sex what so ever) but how do I put this...there was definite performance anxiety on his part. He seemed all into it and then when I would wonder down to the family jewels (with a turtleneck)...there was nothing. Like I could feel it but then once I started to do my magic...S.O.F.T. Um this has never happened to me before. He said he was nervous and that the drinks were contributing. Okay I've heard this about finishing but not even getting there. What? He also said I wasn't "familiar" to him yet. (?) I was cool about it and said it was no big deal and that time would help things...of course I tried to work the magic 2 more times and nothing.

Needless to say, we laid around in my bed (naked) until 3pm Saturday just kissing, caressing, talking and laying on each other. That part was really good and he made me feel really great. We texted yesterday (hate that!) but hopefully I'll see him this weekend.

But seriously, if anyone has been in this situation before please let me know tips, advice, etc.!!!!

Suggestion Box

So Nate asked me out for this Friday and suggested dinner and a movie. I like that he's a planner! The thing is this...we need to do something away from alcohol (see last Friday's post) and I feel like sitting in a movie for a couple of hours will not help the getting to know you process...(plus he wanted to meet after work again which is 1pm our time and I want to have time to get ready for the date, etc. and he should too! I have a waxing (joy) in the afternoon so can't meet him until after 6 anyway so that solves that).

But I need your help!

Suggestions, peeps?

Point of no return

So I've erased everything and anything having to do with Kanger. I've had the weekend to mull it over and my actions were pushing this finally to the end. There is no way I want to be treated like that and I'm pretty sure he wants nothing to do with this psycho. But I deserve better and someone who follows through on promises.

Enough about him. I've spent WAY too much time and effort that it is now not worth one more word.

So onto Nate:

The date went really well. The beginning was a little getting to know you and the normal awkward conversations and lulls. But of course the alcohol was flowing and we talked more freely with each other. He just got back from being on safari in Africa for 2 months. How amazing? And he's obviously traveled quite a lot which I like. We both had our separate plans this weekend after we left each other in the tube station early Friday night but have been texting and I even got a late night text last night while I slept. It's nice to be thought of and he seems like a thoughtful guy. I asked if he had childrens (my new pre-req question :)) and the answer was no so that's good on the baggage front. Kiwi says he's a good bloke so I guess I'll just wait and see where it goes (if anywhere)...not putting expectations on anything...it tends to get me in trouble when I do.

Solidification

So I'm tanked from my date with Nate. I thought it would be fairly sober but it wasnt't... and it was fun but i can't help but thinking what i did on Saturday night that you guys would sooooooo not approve of. So after mugging down on the balcony of Kiwi's place, I said my goodbyes and came home but looked up a certain number that i hadn't called in a very long time and happened to speak to for an hour. Alot of things triggered me to call him and the conversation went something like this:
"I look for you every where"
"You're a liar, you're not going back to Oz anytime soon...wtf?"
"Is it really you? I'm disgusting (from Monica from Friends when they find a nude photo of her and she says 'I'm Monica, I'm disgusting' yeah, I kept saying I'm disgusting which he totally didn't get. I was disgusting because I totally made out with someone 20 minutes before hand and then called him..."I'm disgusting.... "
"I want to see you again....Do you want to see me?"
To which he responded, "Yeah, I want to see the new Gucci bag" (at his old company he could have gotten me a discount)....I told him since he works for [Posh Department Store] he would have to get me a discount on the matching wallet. WTF?
"Don't blow smoke up my ass and tell me you're going to call...if you're not going to call just say it" to which he said "i'm going to call you this week....promise".

I am disgusting. I've been drinking with Nate since 2pm (it's 9pm now) and I'm wasted.

I've been on egg shells since my phone call with Kanger and giddy and breaking into hysterics becuase it was so ridiculous then Wednesday came around and his promise of calling me during the week was not around so I went into depression...but I also had Nate texting me and was otherwise distracted..I can't make someone hang out with me. Even if technically I'm secretly in love with him and don't know what to do.... it's somewhat insane...but that's just me.... i just made out with Nate at the bar and we went our seperate ways.... but i miss kanger ahhhhhhhhhhh.....

so i just called kanger from getting his number from my yahoo folder and some chick answered...(he's not dating anyone because in the hour that he filled me in on everything at 3am last saturday, he made the mistake of telling me this information)...so i hung up and texted..."are you 12? having you're friends answer...i've been drinking since 2pm on a date....and you can't give me 2 point 2? am i that awful?" and nothing folks. *UPDATE (He texted back at 1.30am _ "not sure what you mean by your text. hope you had fun on your date." WTF? it woke me up and i tried to call to redeem myself not crazy...ironic, eh? but no answer of course... do I write back to that? Mandy says no but if I absolutely must to write "I won't bother you again") thus he is 12 with a 5 year old daughter and i don't know why i do this to myself but i did. i've now erased his number in my hidden yahoo.com account folder and but am now back to the psycho that i was last august. i'm feeling sooooo good about myself. the only thing that is saving me is memories of this evening with Nate being hoisted on a post and wrapping my legs around him to kiss him (nothing else happened), only to be totally caught by the people that live in the flat we were making out in front of. i'm glad he went to his mate's party...but i so didn't need to come home and do this. ...what the eff is wrong with me???

To market, to market...

"So who are you dating now?", Kiwi asked in a sing-song voice as he ushered me into his engagement party.
"No one at the moment. I gave up boys for lent so I'm just now back on the market, so to speak", I said shrugging.
"Well that'll change after tonight. I've got heaps of my mates coming round and they're all mostly single."

And so I went from only knowing Kiwi and his fiancé at the party to kissing one of his university mates (whom I actually had met in October) on the balcony of the party's flat. Classy, I know. Kissing bandit was in full force due to the champagne.

I said goodbye to Nate when I stuffed myself into a cab at 3am and have now been texting with him all day.

And thus the confusing world of dating or pseudo dating via text messaging begins.

UPDATE: Have a date with Nate on Friday afternoon. He's a busy boy (which I like-guys having their own friends is a huge turn on - unlike Skully who knew a handful of people in London, mostly attributed to his personality and poor attitude) but we both work half days on Fridays so we're meeting up then. Of course all planned via text. Argh!

More or less

I can't decide which is more embarrassing:

Having a flake of bran leftover from your morning cereal on your bottom lip during an ENTIRE 2 hour meeting with your work colleagues that you see everyday?

OR

Having your tampons fly out of your bag on the tube, where you have to scramble to pick them up while avoiding ALL eye contact with the strangers (you will never see) that just witnessed the horror?

It's a toughy.